MortarBlog

Get OUT!

Remember about three posts down how we were asking you what you thought of the Microsoft/Seinfeld effort from Crispin? And remember how we said it was The Ad Campaign About Nothing? And how they didn't actually have anything to sell?

We would have liked to have been surprised.
We would have liked for the whole thing to make sense.
We would have liked Microsoft to have had a rationale.
A rationale that goes a little something like this:

STEP 1: Take One Or Two Of Those Dusty Pallets Of Cash We Have Lying Around, And Make Ads That Show People We're Not Evil.

STEP 2: Now That People Know We're Not Evil, Let's Sell Them Something That, For Once, Does Not Suck.

Nope. This is Microsoft we're talking about. So something as relatively simple as the Mortar Two-Step Plan becomes as complicated as Parking With George. They went and killed the campaign. According to Valleywag,

"Microsoft flacks are desperately dialing reporters to spin them about "phase two" of the ad campaign — a phase, due to be announced tomorrow, which will drop the aging comic altogether. Microsoft's version of the story: Redmond had always planned to drop Seinfeld. The awkward reality: The ads only reminded us how out of touch with consumers Microsoft is — and that Bill Gates's company has millions of dollars to waste on hiring a has-been funnyman to keep him company. Update: In a phone call, Waggener Edstrom flack Frank Shaw confirms that Microsoft is not going on with Seinfeld, and echoes his underlings' spin that the move was planned. There is the "potential to do other things" with Seinfeld, which Shaw says is still "possible." He adds: "People would have been happier if everyone loved the ads, but this was not unexpected.""

We'll see. Perhaps they're smarter than we give them credit for. In the meantime, enjoy some classic Seinfeld.

Candidates As Brands

Michal Ann Strahilevitz, a chaired professor of marketing at Golden Gate University, shares her expert opinion with the San Francisco Chronicle on this year's presidential election:

"Republicans remain a team with marketing savvy," agreed Golden Gate University's Michal Ann Strahilevitz, a marketing expert. "They needed to rebrand - and rebrand they did," reshaping a new pitch and a new product in St. Paul.

For the complete article visit: GOP resurging as party of mavericks

If only she was 35. Wait - no, that would be bad. People might vote for her.

Feminists the world over will simultaneously cringe and hope when they discover the latest blonde chick in the presidential race: Paris Hilton. (Hey, if Hillary could win them over, Paris could, too.)
If you haven't seen John McCain's "celebrity" ad attacking Obama for - yeah, that's right - being popular, then go YouTube it now. Then come back and watch this rebuttal by none other than Paris Hilton herself:

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

On second thought, she couldn't possibly be worse than what we've got now. I would be sorely tempted to scribble in the little bubble next to her name if she were on the ballot - just to see what happens. Hehehehee.

Thanks to, uh, almost every single RSS feed I subscribe to:  the nation, yesbutnobutyes, bbc news, wired science blog, and... I'm sure there was another one. But I can't find it anymore. Oh, well.

Topless mermaid spreads tail fins to sell addictive substance - surprisingly few people offended.

Thanks to their company policy of ruthlessly buying out locally-owned coffee shops the world over, (RIP Caffe Espresso, 1993-2008,) Starbucks has a logo that everyone except, maybe, these guys, recognizes. So when they switched it up on us for a promotion, someone was bound to eventually make a comment of some kind, no matter what it was.

Of course it turned out to be the original Pike Place logo, slightly retouched to cover up the mermaid's nipples. She was probably getting cold anyway. Despite Starbucks' best efforts at modesty, some consumers couldn't keep their perverted minds away from the fact that not only is she topless, but she seems to be holding her slimy tail fins wide open for whoever comes swimming by.

I actually thought I was the only pervert to notice... but as it turns out, a Christian group in San Diego called The Resistance (jerks. I wanted to use that one for something,) have also been unable to avert their gaze, and are causing a frothy stir in Starbucks' new coffee promotion.

Not to defend Starbucks for anything, but after reading several articles mentioning The Resistance and their vendetta against a logo supposedly based on traditional Norse imagery, I went ahead and looked them up.  They have one of the worst websites I've ever seen in my life, and for all intents and purposes, seem to be no more than a thinly-veiled publicity scheme started by one guy to sell his book. I'm not even going to bother linking it... it's so terrible. But I guess I have to give the dude some credit for managing to get his crappy book publicized by major news sources all over the world.

So excluding "The Resistance", I think the promotional logo seems to have gone over swimmingly. I prefer it.

Here's some boobies:

Thanks BBC News, AdRants, and probably a couple other people I forgot.

In memoriam: Dunkin' Donuts loses ad to fear of fear of terrorism.

That was not a typo. A recent Dunkin' Donuts ad featuring Rachael Ray in a scarf that vaguely resembles a keffiyeh was pulled this week. Wacko - I mean - "conservative" commentators were criticizing the donut chain for... uh... somehow promoting terrorism.
I have three words:

W.      T.     F.

Check out the article in adage.

The Coveted Thunderlips Endorsement

Interesting developments on the endorsement front.
In the same 24-hour stretch, Barack Obama supporter George Clooney tells CNN he won't stump for the Illinois senator because, as a celebrity, "sometimes you hurt the person you're trying to support."

This makes sense.

Meanwhile, Hulk Hogan endorses Obama on Jimmy Kimmel.

This also makes sense.

It breaks down like this:

If Clooney starts tooting his horn, it's "Hollywood versus the Heartland." (That's bad.)

If, on the other hand, The Hulkster flexes his electoral pectorals, it's Hollywood versus the Heartland...in a Steel Cage First Blood Texas Deathmatch! (That's entertainment!)

We just wonder if this endorsement will affect the candidate's position...ON GUN CONTROL, BROTHER!


Now if we can just get Hillary's people talking to Rowdy Roddy Piper...

Eco-trends spur eco-plosion of eco-tastic eco-prefixes

Why label something “green” or “sustainable” when all you have to do is tack an “eco” to the front of your noun or adjective of choice? We’ve got eco-tourism, eco-modernism, eco-consumerism, eco-activism. And thanks to Mark Peters over at Grist, we’ve learned some juicy new ones – eco-porn, ecosynergy, eco-mafia, and ecosexual (among others).

According to Peters’ post and the Oxford English Dictionary, “eco” detached from “ecology” as early as 1969. But only recently has the use of “eco” as a prefix become prolific enough to be truly annoying.

The problem (as we’ve faced with some of our LOHAS clients) in naming a company or product “Eco-Something” is that this fad word is quickly becoming used and abused. Five years from now, the “Eco-Something” will simply be a tired marker of a passing trend (that has now either dwindled off or become ubiquitous).

Despite the dismay “Eco-Something” companies may be facing, we can still have a good chuckle at some of these great eco-excerpts:

Ecosynergy: There's not a fouler corporate buzzword than "synergy." I once had a co-worker who used the word with such frequent, punishing regularity that I suspect he was raised on PowerPoint presentations and cappuccinos rather than Dr. Seuss and mother's milk. Everything he, I, or my uncle did created synergy. Meetings had synergy. Lunch had synergy. Paper clips had synergy. Taken literally, ecosynergy is likely a fine thing, but if I see this or another variation of synergy (What's next? Franken-synergy? Choco-synergy?) one more time I fear my self-inflicted lobotomy will have little synergy.

Ecosexual: If the word "metrosexual" makes you want to remove your own eyeballs with a spork, you'd better hide the silverware. Ecosexuals, apparently, are hip young urbanites who care about recycling as much as hair products. Instead of man-hands and eating peas one at a time, their deal-breakers are non-recyclers and anti-eco-deodorant. Did the world really need another smarmy buzzword?

(See the rest here) Photo from Grist/iStockphoto

How NOT to decorate - unless you're already blind

Somewhere, a PR account executive on the Post-it account is laughing. Today's House and Home section of The New York Times is a mash note to the stickies that increasingly define our lives. While this kind of piece is fairly typical - as the lighter sections of the paper aren't exactly known for their journalistic aplomb - did they really have to use this photo to illustrate the love story?

Spelling bee champ MORE annoying than you might've assumed

Spellingbee jerk - Click Here for more great videos and pictures!
Courtesy of Gawker comes a classic example of why we media train our PR clients. Although an argument could be made that CNN's Kiran Chetry is the one who needs a little more training. After all, she let an thirteen-year-old homeschooler take control of an interview. Damn kids!

Update: Our friends at SFist have an update on the Bay Area champs' home field activities as well. Of course, throwing out the first pitch is not nearly as entertaining as smacking down a CNN anchorbot.

PR Gone Wild!

Talk about a media frenzy - ‘Paris Hilton’ and ‘jail’- two words that have sent the press through the roof.

Has PR gone wild or something?

Judge for yourself – here are some of the facts:

- CNN (Nancy Grace Show) replaying the coverage of her trial like it was OJ Simpson’s murder case.

- Google searches turning up more than 5,000 media hits with the magic words - ‘Paris Hilton’ and ‘Jail’.

- MySpace pages like Rescue Paris dedicated to supporting the superstar.

Can this desperate PR crusade keep Paris out of the slammer?  This is where the power of PR comes into play – according to The Associated Press article:

“Paris is distraught and traumatized as a consequence of the findings at the May 4 hearing ... and her fear of incarceration."

It might take more than making tear jerking petitions with statements like “Paris provides beauty and excitement to our otherwise mundane lives,” and dressing in conservative courthouse couture to keep her from living the life behind bars.

It seems the best PR move might be to take the ‘when life hands you lemons, make lemonade’ kinda approach and turn Paris’s Jail sentence into the next season of the Simple Life: “Paris & Nicole: I Know What You Did in the Slammer” (I think Nicole has a few charges she can do some time for as well).

Talk about a great media opportunity… Now, that’s PR folks!