...You so crazy.

So we’re reblogging this from Eat24′s Tumblr (which rules, go follow them,) because we absolutely love the fact that their customers are not only getting into the brand, but getting into the act.

P.S. Charge your phone, eh?

If Sylvie starts work at 8:15 am, and a train leaves Santa Fe traveling south at 65mph, what is the probability of Mark triple-booking himself and annoying almost everyone? Solve for X.

Happy Friday,* y’all.

*Not you, Sylvie. Back to work.

But no more dwelling in the past. Be here now. Allow us to present The New Mortar Website. Cleaner, meaner, and glistening with bacon-y goodness.

Why bacon, you ask? It’s our way of communicating what Mortar’s goal has been all along – to change the conversation. Everyone else talks about ads. We prefer to talk about love. Love of bacon. And Miles Davis. And good conversation. Because when you talk to your customers like people, rather than customers, they tend to like you a lot more.

In fact, conversations are what drive our whole approach. The conversations your customers are having about your brand now, and the ones you want them to have in the future. So instead of starting with Flashy-Expensive-TV-Spot and working backwards, we start by identifying the right message. (Plus, walking backwards makes us dizzy.)

Today, we’re considered a rare breed of agency that does advertising, branding, research and PR all under one roof – but we don’t see any other way to do it. Maybe one day, our approach will be the norm. We can’t understand why it isn’t already.

Pray tell us what you think of our (extremely) late and great site. Direct all comments to Mr. Butz.

*Not really, but how would you remember? It was eons ago.

**Also not true, but those youthful complexions will fool you every time.

Hrmm, you think to yourself. With a tagline like “Shine,” I thought the headlines would be all rainbows and sunny skies. Not quite. The kind of shining GGU students do actually takes a freaking ton of hard work, dedication, and a relentless desire to succeed.

GGU is for the ambitious finance major who works two jobs and runs to classes in between. The tenacious law student who was the first in his family to go to college – let alone grad school. The hyper-busy mom who’s committed to finishing her degree. To “shine” is to make the self-inspired, completely optional decision to rise above the 40-hour week, using the remaining 128 hours to bust your gritty behind and thrust the idea of “succeeding” into a new dimension.

The message is bold, and so are the headlines. GGU students shine so bright, they make the sun look bad. Especially in craptastic weather.

In which our hero grabs some well-deserved me-time. Mmmm. Hero. Wonder where you could
order one of those for takeout and/or delivery?

Sloths are not lazy. They’re just conserving energy. We’d tell you to write that one down, but the
pen and paper are way…over…there.

We’re not saying you should order Eat24 for every meal, but if you did, you could make every shelf
in your refrigerator The Beer Shelf. 
 The more you know.
 

Though it might seem like a bunch of shiny pictures and word fluff, marketing is a tough job. (Stop laughing.) Marketo’s customers find themselves caught in a constant tug-of-war, between sales teams harassing them to find better leads, and higher-ups demanding to know where all the marketing dollars are going. It’s enough to make you crazy.

The whole thing would be a helluva lot easier if marketers could see what goes on behind the invisible marketing curtain – like which leads are more promising, and which marketing efforts are working best. That’s exactly what Marketo helps marketers do, using smart tracking software and sophisticated analytics. They wanted to tell their customers they’re here to extend a helping hand, hopefully catching them before they go off the ledge (or at least before they make that awful splat! sound on the ground).

Behold: A series of direct mail postcards, leading to a landing page where users can submit their own headlines. Remember, writing can be a highly effective means of relieving stress.

We learned that real protests can still happen, ones powerful enough to spawn an impassioned movement worldwide.

We learned that Friday, the most sacred day of the week, will forever be marred by a whiny, lyrically challenged, brain-anesthetizing anthem (no, Ben Pang, we don’t know if Rebecca is single).

And we learned that you never know when the harsh B-29 of reality might firebomb you from behind.

Because no December is complete without an inordinate bombardment of cheer-infested messages, here’s the holiday card you’ve been waiting for. Circular protuberances not included.

We filmed it on our enviable new chalkboard hallway. Next time you’re around, maybe we’ll let you add your own drawing – if you’ve been a good girl or boy.

Happy Holidays. Here’s to throwing back five too many gingerbread and tonics this weekend.

Leaving less than 1/4″ of clear space around the logo pisses Santa off, boys and girls.

But we do care if you don’t maintain the Jolly Fat Man’s brand standards. Which is why we’re damn glad the fine folks at QuietroomUK have produced The Definitive Brand Guide To *Santa.*

Download it, learn it, live it.

And if you’re thinking about deviating from the brand nostalgia, remember, he sees you when you’re sleeping.

Okay, so we weren’t jumping up and down when we read the headline, but the article goes a long way to acknowledge a socially responsible company that is drastically improving lives by changing their economics.

It’s a market- vs. charity-based approach and it’s working. A powerful way to lift people out of poverty is to inspire their entrepreneurial drive with moneymaking products. More about how the approach is working can be found here.

Proximity recently received the Skoll Award For Social Entrepreneurship, an award given annually to a small number of social entrepreneurs who are solving the world’s most pressing problems.

Proximity founders Debbie Aung Din and Jim Taylor are indeed doing that, proximate to their customers. They listen to their customers. They even moved nearer to do so.

Listening. We like that.

I am happy to be here. I’m excited to help Mortar’s diverse set of clients create PR and social media conversations that harness the power of a Mortar360 branding workshop.

There are a few things that have stood out for me during my first official days at Mortar:

• Everyone is having fun and talking out loud, in a good-getting-great-stuff-done kind of way.
• The resident monkey is nowhere to be found.
• Mortar’s clients are diverse. Already, I’ve written a blog about a company lifting farmers out of poverty in Burma (Proximity Designs), sat in a room with a leading SaaS company forever changing the way marketing and sales teams score leads (Marketo), and talked in-depth with some execs about how to better serve Americans in debt (Financial Freedom Network).
• We get to work with smart professors from all walks of life at Golden Gate University (GGU), one of Mortar’s many long-term clients. The media call upon them regularly these days (great job former Mortar PR gurus!).
• The branding conversation with clients is much more direct than the PR ones I’ve been privy to over the last decade. There’s more focus on getting real rich insights upfront from all stakeholders (customers, partners, critics, competitors, people online and on the street, the media, etc.), and less on creating B.S. out of thin air.
• It’s a truthful 360-leadership conversation where everyone contributes. I’ve watched Mortar share information that clients may not want to hear, but need to. For instance, “Your messaging makes no sense to anyone but you and we fell asleep reading all of those atrocious acronyms.”
• The Mortar Foundation is doing good work in the world. Work I care about too. Like helping less fortunate people who need voices to shout out to them every once in awhile, “Hey, we’ve got your back!”

I look forward to my journey as Mortar’s resident, provisional PR and social media guru. Drop me a line anytime. I’d love to hear from you.

Stinchfield

P.S. Using the power of social media and PR, I’ve learned how to speed up help for AFCECO orphans and once for a miraculous little boy named Oliver. I look forward to contributing my skills to The Mortar Foundation and client causes, too.

Why can we not stand talking babies, yet not resist talking animals? Whatever. It’s Friday. Have fun in whatever sandbox you like to play in this weekend.

Bellyrubs to our pal Jen P. for the tip.

Mortar’s design team is helping Avinger bust into the world-famous TCT conference with a magnificent booth (Booth #1536) and some pretty sweet jackets to match.

Avinger will host a TCT Breakfast Meeting on Friday November 11 at 6:30 AM transmitting a case live from Germany highlighting a Chronic Total Occlusion Crossing using the Direction OCT Guided CTO Catheter, Ocelot.

Hosting the case live will be Dr. Arne Schwindt and Avinger CEO John B. Simpson, PhD, MD. Our own Todd Ransick will be eating bratwurst while streaming the feed from Munster, Germany to the event here in San Francisco.

Pro cyclist Christian Vande Valde will also be a guest speaker at the breakfast, drawing the connection between the spinning wheels of pro bikes and the spinning tip of the Ocelot catheter.

On Saturday, November 11, 2011, Christian will join Avinger and all attendees of the TCT Breakfast Meeting who wish to participate in a bike ride in Woodside, CA to promote PAD awareness through physical activity.

Avinger is excited to be a part of TCT, an event that pays homage to industry leaders who are dedicated to improving the survival and quality of life for people with cardiovascular disease through research and education.

And Mortar is excited, well, that Todd’s eating bratwurst.

Avinger is a medical device company devoted to developing innovative treatments for Peripheral Artery Disease (PAD) -  a very common, very nasty disease where your arteries clog up and cut off circulation to your limbs, heart and brain.  Most patients leave it untreated too long, which has a lot to do with why PAD is the leading cause of amputation in patients over 50, and is responsible for hundreds of thousands of amputations every year. Yes, we said “amputations.” As in – you leave the hospital with fewer limbs than you had when you entered. 
 Avinger believed there was a better way to fight PAD, so they created one. Let us show you what they’re up to:

Need a tissue? We understand completely.
We’re proud to be a part of Avinger’s amazing work, and pleased to see their shiny new website make its debut. We hope you never need their products – but it sure is nice to know Avinger is there if you do.

Speaking of dancing – other clients? The gauntlet has been thrown down. Right about the time the site launched, look what showed up at Mortar Global HQ.

Y’all just got served. It is on.

All we can say is, “It was our pleasure, Avinger.” (Well, that and “Somebody get a really big ice bucket.”)

Slimming, no?

Yet kind of intimidating. Should we rename ourselves "Mordor?"

Snoop likes it.

On second thought…nah.

One does not simply walk into Mortar, but if you don't mind the World's Slowest Elevator, come up and see us sometime.

 

If you're going to Dreamforce 11 next week at the Moscone Center (they're having Metallica!) you'll see Mortar's work all over the place. Check it out.

Unlike anything in its category, Propel is a spring-like device made of a flexible, lightweight plastic polymer. This innovative design serves to gently prop open the sinuses after endoscopic surgery. The device also delivers an anti-inflammatory corticosteroid directly to the sinus lining, which keeps patients’ noses from flaring up like a bull seeing red. The result? Improved post-surgical outcomes, and reduced need for oral steroids that can have nasty side effects. It’s genius, really.

Inspired by Propel’s iconic design, Mortar created a distinctive logo to establish the brand identity for our client’s inaugural product. Evoking the shape and warmth of the sun, the mark quickly conveys the elegant nature of the device. See?

There’s also a website on the way, and we designed a trade show booth for Propel’s debut at the American Academy of Otolaryngology’s convention this September in San Francisco. If you’re in town, stop in and rub elbows. Or noses. 

So why do most venture capital websites do nothing but talk about themselves? That’s not very friendly, is it? Not what a good host would do, right? These poor entrepreneurs are laying it all on the table. They’re presenting, defending and explaining more than a “venture.” It’s their baby. The thing that’s consumed their every waking moment – not to mention their bank accounts. So, when Bain Capital Ventures approached us about a new website, we suggested they put less emphasis on the “us” and more on the “you.” 

Yes, you. If you’re an entrepreneur with an earthshaking idea, that is. The refreshingly simple site is uncluttered, down-to-earth and friendly, all the way from the tone of voice to the typeface. The entrepreneur-focused Innovation Center provides an online toolkit to help startups get started—complete with how-to articles, local networking opportunities, and even weekly office hours hosted by Bain.

But enough about us. We’d love to know what you think.

Believe it or not, he’s improvising. The man is a truckload of talent wrapped up in a giant teddy bear suit. If you’re local, don’t miss the chance to experience this 10-pound-fro-banging mythical creature in action.

A little humor makes a "me-too" service special. We're pretty sure we've mentioned Hipmunk before for precisely this reason – their Agony Index is not only funny; it's useful. Combine that sensibility with ads like this and one begins to think that these people (or cute animals who can book flights) might just be able to make the nightmarish hellscape that is modern air travel a little more tolerable.

The spot itself could have used more Trololo Cat and the narration is pure crap, but overall, great job.

YOU: "How dumb is it?"

MORTARBLOG: "It's so dumb it thinks soy milk is Spanish for "I am milk.""

But seriously, folks, the grid is really dumb. You would not believe how much power goes to waste every day, and how much grossness gets spewed into the atmosphere every day to make all that power that's going to waste. Fortunately there's a simple, free way to start doing something about it. Which is where Mortar client Genability comes in. We could explain what they're up to using boring old words, but we'd rather share our new animated short, "Giving People Power Over Their Power." It's narrated by our pal Ed Begley, Jr., and it has mole people and birds that drop money and even a pony!

Please take two minutes and fifty-seven seconds of your day to check it out.

Pretty cool, right? Did you laugh? Did you cry? Did you want to punch the PG&E guy? (Don't.) OK, then tell all your friends about WhatsMyPower.com, and let's all help make the grid a little smarter.

Lord knows this world could use a little less dumbassery.

It’s Lawn Bowls. And it’s the next big thing in American sports. Like Mahou Sensei Negima, the metric system, and boxed milk, Lawn Bowls is just another train that our nation inexplicably missed. 20 million people around the world indulge in this delightful diversion, while only 17,000 do in the U.S. The game has been around for 500 years – so exactly why haven’t we recognized its undisputed awesomeness yet?

No sport becomes an American pastime overnight. Do you think baseball was popular in its germinating stages? “Hey guys: Let’s all put on tight, non-breathable pants, have someone throw a rock-hard leather ball at our faces, then dive headfirst onto dirty vinyl bags all day long.” Yeah. Maybe later.

Sports gain popularity through awareness – which is what Lawn Bowls lacks in the U.S. That's why the United States Lawn Bowls Association came to Mortar. And it’s why Mortar is on the hunt for sponsors of all shapes and sizes for the USLBA.

If your brand is looking to gain awareness and boost its image, this is a low-risk move with a potentially huge payoff. Although Lawn Bowls is a sport you can play whether you’re 19 or 90, the average player age is 50+. With the exploding number of baby boomers entering the market each year, these leisure beavers are looking for a fun, low-impact activity to keep them from having to tend to the garden all day and converse with their one-eyed curmudgeonly neighbor.

Not many sports could be more appealing to this crowd – or for your brand. Think curling, but on grass: challenging, fun to play, and with massive potential for cocktail consumption. It’s ideal for TV coverage, but without the need for big slabs of ice and bitter cold. You play on a manicured grass court, and there’s unlimited opportunity for social activity off the green.

Brands, are you listening? Get in the rink before someone else beats you to the jack. Download USLBA's full sponsorship deets here to learn more about why this could be the best decision you’ve ever made. If you’re interested in being a national, regional, local, or event sponsor of the USLBA, contact Craig Patterson at craig@mortaragency.com or (408) 802-9122.

Would like to renegotiate your repayment terms.
Also: is an eagle with a knife.

Say hello to the American Fair Credit Council.

The good people of the AFCC noticed what was going on in the debt settlement racket market, and saw an opportunity. Not the “let’s check the poor people’s couch cushions for change”-kind of opportunity, but the kind that could actually help people get a fair shake in the credit game – a game that’s patently rigged. So, they created a brand new model called “no advance fee debt settlement.” Here’s how it works: You agree to a fee. The AFCC goes to work. Your debt goes down. You pay your debt. You pay your fee. You’re free. A simple, strong idea, worthy of a simple, strong name. Which Mortar was proud to give them.

So. Even if your credit’s good, check out the American Fair Credit Council. They’re a good friend to have, in an economy where one can never have too many good friends, feathered or otherwise.

Wow! That was like one of those busted plays where you're going "No, NO, NOOOOO…wait a minute...YES!" Well done. Honestly, we think we'd rather watch Football Cops than the NFL. But here's hoping they end their lockout…and we promise to drag the mighty Mortarblog off the couch and back to the gym, too.

Via Deadspin.

Stick figures: They make moves. Never-ever-ever do they fake moves.

InFocus Labs, a projector company (that Mortar has probably kept in business for years due to a certain British person's predilection for misplacing projectors,) recently sponsored a Worst PowerPoint Slide Contest. It's awesomely bad.  

But hey, it's Memorial Day weekend, which is awesomely good! We hope you enjoy it, and remember: our pals at Eat24Hours.com are waiting patiently to supply the chow for that party you're throwing – it sure beats cooking!

"You're with the government? Don't worry…they only eat people with brains."

So the CDC just posted a new Preparedness Guide...In Case Of Zombie Apocalypse.

Forgetting for a moment that we totally called this, we find it notable that the post not only didn't get anyone at the CDC in trouble, it was the possibly most popular thing they've ever posted – and a good way to get Americans to think about overall disaster preparedness.

"The blog post went up on Monday. “A typical post gets 1,000 hits,” (CDC spokesman David) Daigle said. “We got 10,000, then 30,000 on Tuesday, and then it crashed the server.” The server then reportedly came back to life and ate the IT guy's brain."

OK, we made part of that up. But it wasn't the "30,000 hits" part. Our point is, See how much traction a little well-placed, unexpected humor can get you? Particularly if you're known for being boring?

Think about it. While you still can.

Via The New York Times (And Zombie Flanders.)

There are many causes that Mortar holds dear- Fair Trade USA, the ASPCA, Martini Awareness Month- however we are proud to announce one cause close to our heart has launched a brand spanking new website.

With Mortar’s help, A HOME WITHIN, a non-profit organization right here in San Francisco dedicated to the mental stability of foster children, has gone live with a beautiful new website to match the beautiful work they do for kiddies around the nation.

For foster kids tossed around until they are kicked out of the system at 18, A HOME WITHIN provides stability and mental support. They match at-risk foster children with therapists and allow them to maintain a relationship regardless of age, location or finances. A HOME WITHIN launched their new site in May to mark Foster Care Awareness Month. With programs like Fostering Art, A HOME WITHIN supports creativity and mental stability in an very overlooked—but needy–population.

Mortar is proud to have been apart of the branding, brochure production and website design for A HOME WITHIN. Hopefully this website will allow A Home Within to reach more kids, connect with more clinicians and grab more funding (hint, hint).

It could happen. 

So…doing anything good this weekend?
Pretty sure we know what Mark's up to:

That's was it. No big whoop.
Happy Easter!

Smearing lava cake all over yourself? Not a disqualification at Mortar.

UPDATE: Now with Actual, Working Email Address. If you submitted a resume before, would you kindly do so again? Apologies…we're crazy-busy.

Mortar is busier than a fat kid at a buffet. Which means, we're hiring.

First up -  Interactive Art Director.

As our shiny new Interactive Art Director you will create engaging, inspiring, interactive design solutions for wide variety of clients. Possibly with glitter. (Not really. Unless it's some sort of interactive glitter.)

Stuff you should have:

• A strong understanding of user interface design process and methodology, particularly as applied to web-based applications.
• An ability to organize and deliver multiple design elements of complex, large-scope projects.
• A sophisticated understanding and use of typography for online media.
• An online architect’s command of unifying brand, design, and user goals.
• A solid command of user-experience with a demonstrated experience translating the methods and tenants of user-experience to visual wireframes and functional prototypes.

Skills you should have:

• Ninja-level proficiency in Adobe CS3/CS4 suite, Flash, ActionScript, Dreamweaver
• Junior Ninja-level proficiency with development languages and processes. Specifically HTML, CSS, XML, AJAX, PHP and JS.
• A proven history of designing interactive materials that are built using a CMS (i.e. Drupal, Joomla, Expression Engine and custom).
• An excellent online portfolio that demonstrates solid design skills and expertise in web design principles, functionality, and usability standards.
• 3 to 5 five years experience in a similar role.
• Willingness to share your expertise with designers.
• Enthusiasm for websites, mobile, social media and emerging digital technologies. Generally, you have a passion for all things digital. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have read this far.
• Great client relationship skills as you’ll be working directly with clients at times. Also, pants.
• Offline and print design history is a plus.

Responsibilities you will have:

• Work with team to keep projects on time and help set expectations for client.
• Concept and execute interactive material based on overall brand messaging.
• Provide strategic design vision for clients and agency.
• Manage in-house and freelance designers workflow and keep CD informed of issues.
• Manage project priorities.

Big Finish:
In addition to the obligatory coffee, cigarettes, Skittles™ and beer, we can offer you something even better. The chance to help build a new kind of agency. Start now by emailing samples or a link to your online portfolio to jobs@mortaragency.com. No phone calls, please.

Next up, Interactive Designer.

Here’s you: You’ve got art school, Portfolio Center or similar background as well as 2+ years of professional experience. Naturally, you’ll need a killer portfolio—heavy on graphic design and heavier on brilliant thinking.

You’ve rolled out big web-centric projects before.

You're a nice person.

This will be a 1-3 month freelance or part-time position at first (we want to make sure it’s the right fit for both of us) with excellent potential for full-time. So if you have a full-time job already, this may not be the right gig for you. Also, we can’t consider candidates who live outside the Bay Area. Sorry.

This position requires:

• A portfolio demonstrating basic understanding of typography, color theory and layout skills.
• ActionScript, basic HTML and CSS skills (hand-coding knowledge preferred). PHP and other language knowledge a big plus.
• The ability to work on multiple projects in an efficient, timely manner.
• Excellent production skills. 
• Experience with user-interface design
• Ability to code for cross-browser compatibility.
• Knowledge of with current interactive trends and features.
• 2+ years experience in interactive design; client-side or agency.
• Print design experience desired, but not required. 
• BFA or comparable preferred.

 Start by sending us an email at jobs@mortaragency.com with a link to your online portfolio. Due to time constraints, we can only respond to candidates we want to interview. And, like we said before, no calls.

Finally, Copywriter. (Intern-level.)

Student? Trust-fund kid? Or just really, really want to be part of the glamour, the drama, the pageantry that is The Copywriter's Life? Give us a couple days a week.  We'll teach you the ways of the forest. We'll also make you do dishes, organize the Unconquerable Mountain Of Tupperware, and bring us coffee, snacks and beer. But we'll also give you a real chance to do real work you can be proud of. (And brochures. Lots of brochures. Let's keep it real up in here.) Our last intern grew up to be a wildly successful, jet-setting Content Strategist – who knows where this thrill ride could take you? You might even find yourself writing for America's Sweetheart, the one and only Mortarblog. In fact, you probably will. (Also: brochures.) Anyway, check it out. It'll be fun, in an exploitative sort of way.

REQUIREMENTS:

A portfolio. A real portfolio, with Ads And Ad-like Objects in it. Not your short-stories. Not That One Essay You Got An "A" On. We want to see a portfolio -  be it a book or a website or skywriting  – that shows us you can write ads and/or websites. Doesn't have to be produced work – with what's out there these days, we'd almost prefer it weren't. But it does have to be smart.

So, drop us an email at jobs@mortaragency.com. Hopefully this email will contain your resume and a link to your online portfolio. We'll look it over. And hopefully, work something out. No calls. Seriously. The Copy Department is staffed exclusively by Angry Loners Who Don't Trust Them Newfangled Telephone Machines.

OK? OK then.

So…economy solved? Economy solved.
You're welcome, America. High-five.

We’re Mortar, and we have an opening for a Senior Account Executive.

As you’ve probably figured out by now, we’re a different kind of agency – one that prides itself on building brands people love, as opposed to kissing butt and doing timesheets. That being said, you’ll still have to do timesheets. And budgets. And presentations. (And clean the sink if you mess it up. We’re not your mother.) As for the butt-kissing, our clients won’t stand for it, which is fortunate, because we’re terrible liars.

Anyway, here’s the job:

Respond here: iwanttowork@mortaragency.com

Did you know your power bill comes with options?
As far as we know, there is no "I'd Rather Pay With Candy Beans"-option as of yet, but…there are options. You might be eligible for a Low Income plan. Or a "Time Of Day" plan. There are all kinds of options out there. Have you ever heard of such a thing? Who knew? Apparently, Genability knew. So, they called us. Asked for our "I'd Rather Pay Using Candy Beans"-option. Mark agreed. We beat him senseless, and then got a more…traditional agreement agreed to. Then, we went to work.

The result? We are proud to present whatsmypower.com -  a brand new website that makes sense of energy costs. It's simple. It's pretty. And it's smart. Kind of like Mark. Kind of.

Anyway, if you use energy, you'll want to check it out.

Finally, a pithy rejoinder to the question we are so often asked: "Are you drunk?"

No, we are "counteracting the enemy."

From The New York Times.

Our planning team is the rich, gooey center of an integrated marketing team that includes brand and account strategists, creatives, social media consultants, and PR specialists.

While we’re looking for freelance right now, successful candidates could very quickly transition to full-time. We are also interested in hearing from candidates who seek a more suitable life balance (you know who you are).

To be considered, you’ll need a background of between 2-10+ years in agency-side planning, including experience in strategic/marketing analysis, consumer profiling and all forms of research.

Mostly, you’ll need to be able to:

• Provide leadership on brand initiatives
• Recommend new and innovative research techniques
• Hold your own in interviews with senior executives in a wide range of areas including esp. b2b technology, healthcare, entertainment and web services.
• Write compelling positioning documents and briefs
• Envelop clients and consumers in your god-like aura

Too much to ask? You tell us. Send a resume and brief cover email with the subject line “Planning Fiend (via Mortarblog)” to: jobs@mortaragency.com

GAMA-GO got with local letterpress house Hello, Lucky! to produce these limited-edition posters. All the money goes to relief for Japan. Check it out.

So, we're totally the first blog to mention this, right? No? Fine. Be that way.
But we would be remiss if we didn't give a nod to smartwater's approach here. By handing out some entertainment while acknowledging that there really isn't that much to say about smartwater, they made an awkward "Hi, We're A Big Dumb Corporation, Would You Like To Buy Some Water In A Bottle That Will Probably End Up, Ironically, Polluting Other Water?"-moment into something relatable and fun.  

In a world of "global leaders" running around "revolutionizing" things, self-deprecating humor stands out like Cary Grant in a room full of Carrot Tops.

Plus: Gratuitous Puppies. They're more impossible to resist than monkey bartenders. Well, almost.

Via Adrants.

Hi, is this the GoPro marketing team? It is? There’s this guy down in Valparaiso, Chile – we’re pretty sure he just shot your next commercial.

Love, Mortar.

P.S. You might want to hurry up and get it on the air before Dramamine, Bell Helmets or Cesar Millan steal your thunder.

Via Deadspin.

The lottery isn’t exactly a tough assignment. It’s about one step up from beer and/or condoms. But this is an interesting take on it. We like.
Well done, Cactus. (We also like one-name agencies.)

Volkswagen "Darth Vader"

We feel a disturbance in the Force. Or maybe we ate too much chili yesterday. Yeah, yeah, we know, adorable kid, cool music, blah, blah frickin' blah. But what the hell are we selling here? That the new Passat has remote start? Um, yay? Does it have those newfangled "seat-belts," too?

Chrysler "Detroit"

Beautiful work…possibly even an idea about "Chrysler-equals-luxury" hiding in here…but at some point, you have to show the car. And the car is a rolling dungheap of generic blah-ness.

But hey, thanks for spending millions of our tax dollars on it.

Bridgestone "Reply All"

Heh. OK. "You Can Drive Fast On Your Bridgestones." We like.

Snickers "Whiny"

Aretha Franklin/Liza Minelli was better, but…pretty good. We like the idea: "You're Not You When You're Hungry/Snickers Fills You Up." Solid.

BMW "Clean Diesel"

All this spot needed was the wagon chugging up the hill, and the BMW passing it. Done. Instead they spend gazillions on CGI and licensing David Bowie. It went from informing us about something cool to making us want to punch the guy in the Beemer.

We will never understand why BMW sucks so hard at advertising. It's just baffling.

Carmax "Kid In A Candy Store"

Nice. Great casting really helps, since the idea needs about two seconds to explain.

Chevy, you did ok, but that tagline is just a sea anchor. We advise you jettison it immediately.

Audi, tons of style trying to obscure the fact that you're counterpunching against Mercedes, but…fun.

The rest of you go hit yourself in the nuts with a pug/can of Pepsi/snack food or whatever.

And congratulations to the Green Bay Packers.

We did not wake up this morning wanting to buy a limo. But if we had, this fine Lincoln for just $1,500 would certainly be tempting. Particularly when we read the amazing copy in this Craigslist ad we saw on Jalopnik. Highlights below.

"This is a 1985 Lincoln Town Car St. Tropez edition limousine. It was built by American Custom Coach has about a 60" stretch and has a dual bench interior configuration…The interior is an appropriate red velvet and could use some refurbishing as unspeakable things have more-than-likely taken place over the interior's 25 years in the biz…The car was recently given a custom exhaust system that exits from corvette tips right behind the front wheels, giving the beast a bark to match its bite. Based on the exhaust system alone the car gets attention; however, should passersby be hearing impaired the custom paint job does the trick.

The exterior is a four piece ode to Americana. The top is a period (1980's) appropriate zebra stripe that beckons "I'm Here to Party" in a primal yet classy manner. The sides represent the duality of modern life as fire and water in a kind of graffiti-chic way. On the hood you will find a fresh take on the classic american phoenix or fire bird with a matte black background that sends an important message to would be communists, terrorists or illegal immigrants foolish enough to be in front of you. That message is, "This is America, Get the Fuck out of my way!" As you approach the rear of the vehicle you are whisked into another universe as you peer into an eery space-scape that typifies the mystery associated with the final frontier. Overall the art on the car gives the audience a taste of the warm apple pie that is America, plus it looks totally bad-ass.

This car is quite the value in this day and age. With the purchase of this vehicle you get: priceless artwork, the ability to carry up to 8 people in style and comfort, and most importantly admission into the elite class of limo owners. This car redefines social mobility (see what I did there with the double entendre) All I ask in return for this car is 1500 dollars but I will entertain any trades or offers not from Nigerian princes."

 

Burning Man-types, we think you'll agree – this car was born for the playa.
Make it happen. (But stop by the Mortar first.)

So when Things Real People Don't Say About Advertising hit the Tumblrz last week, our in-box just about blowed up. At first, we weren't going to blog it, because we figured  – you're hip, you're a connossieur, you'll find it on your own. But two things changed our mind: One, it's really funny, and we can't resist funny. Two, it's a living exhibition of something we tell our clients all the time – no one wakes up in the morning excited about ads. Not even yours. 

Not only becuase he gushes about the Matrix site (thanks Fred):

"Best Overall Design Award: Matrix

You can take issue with the small fonts and the relatively classic feel of this website, but as a piece of VC web design the Matrix Partners effort does its job wonderfully well.  Lead with entrepreneurs, clear navigation bar underneath, direct access to subsections from the navigation bar, clean and clear interface etc.  It’s rich and deep and easy to navigate.  They even manage to make some of their quotes work, because they keep the endorsement implicit.   See Marc Fleury’s: “everybody told me JBoss would never succeed”.  Nice touch."

But also because he makes some great points about the lack of differentiation in VC marketing:

"One of the challenges that all venture capitalists are dealing with is that we are all peddling essentially the same product.  Funding “disruptive innovation” ?  Check.  Backing “world class entrepreneurs” ? Check.  Building “World class companies” ? Check.  Bizarrely no one wants to back dimwits with no ambition.  To make the copy less obvious, some firms like Flybridge tone the style down and talk about working with “great entrepreneurs to build innovative companies”.  At Atlas we went down the same route and talk about “partnering to solve difficult problems”.  And since “disruptive” is the most overused word in the history of innovation, we got cute and talk of “non-linear innovation”…"

Full post here.

In which What Started Out As Slacking becomes Semi-Useful Marketing Intel.  Stay with us – you might learn something!

Did You Know?

Women love salad. When women are alone with salad, it amuses them with humorous anecdotes. You can look it up.

Did You Know?

African-American women love shopping. No, they really love shopping.

Did You Know?

Ease into your New Year's fitness regimen slowly. Or else.

Did You Know?

Somewhere, right now, an HR drone is making Baby Jesus cry. And so soon after His birthday? Way to go, HR.

Did You Know?

By now you must have figured out that this whole Bad Stock Photography Thing is something of a meme. 

…So perhaps it's not that weird that Shutterstock, (among others,) has decided to own their badness. After all, sometimes Random Guy With Laptop On His Knee is exactly what you're looking for.

Did You Know?

You totally do not win friends with salad.

That was nice, right? The little girl with the glass of water?
Cute. Very cute.

But then, this happened:

Same basic concept. Not a wildly-different execution. So why is it so much… better? Let us know what you think.

By our count, that's Target – 2, Wal-Mart – 0.
Better luck next year, People of Wal Mart.

Well, if you're Leavenworth, Washington, you show a little spine. (Also: cleavage. But still.) Well done.

Next time we're up Seattle-way? It's on – Woody Goomsba style. Ein prosit!

Via AdRants. Produced by HowellAtTheMoon. (groan.)

That was darn tasty, Logitech. Thanks.

Apparently, this is not a new sentiment, seeing as this New Yorker cartoon is from 1938. See the rest here.

If we were flying, we’d be thankful for Hipmunk, a great little travel site that rates flights not only by price and schedule, but also factors in “agony.”  This is the kind of simple, funny, and wonderfully helpful goodness that brings your brand love beyond reason. Well done.

Speaking of goodness, we are always thankful for vodka, particularly when it comes with luxury, status…and a Viking.

Speaking of vodka, (Yes, again. Shut up.) our pals at Otis get a nice mention in this writeup of Stuff To Do In San Francisco While Everyone Is Out Of Town from The Bold Italic. Of course, if you’re ever looking for Unexpected Awesome Things to Do in San Francisco, get in touch with our girls at CarriedAway. We are thankful for friends like them – and you – most of all.

Which is why we’re giving you your Thanksgiving present early. Enjoy.

Be happy, be safe, keep the crumbs out of your non-ironic moustache…and have a very happy Thanksgiving.

What can I say, you can't take San Francisco out of the Mortar.  Back off, L.A. Kidding! (or are we?)

Greenbuild 2010 did a phenomenal job organizing the space, offering amenties and incorporating new technologies, down to the last detail. Which is why this one fleeting moment of hilarious irony caught our eye:

The "Social Networking Lounge" being decidedly un-social. One might even call it anti-social, as this lowly patron hangs his weary head in his hands.

We feel you, man. Trade-showing is hard.

Bueller…Bueller?

No. It is not a Canadian takeover. It is a post about “Conversation Marketing.” (Yeah, yeah – we hate that name too, but until we think of a better one, we’re stuck with it. Moving on…)

First, a little background: We are not particularly Boston Bruins fans, but man do we love their TV campaign. Excuse the pun, but…check it:

Holy-moly, that’s good. And we love this one, too:

But then, this happened:

Don’t worry, she got back up. She’s a hockey fan.

SIDE NOTE: As an observant Deadspin commenter
points out…does that hole look exactly like Jay Leno?
Could NBC be behind it? Or could it be Coco?
Is that Terry O’Reilly on the grassy knoll?
We’re behind the looking glass, people.

Ahem. Sorry. Anyway, Here’s the truly double-awesome part. Watch the Bruins’ marketing department get out in front of the ladykicking story with this:

Score! That is sweeter than a Don Cherry suit. On-brand and on-time, people. Bears may be godless killing machines, and the Bruins may be mortal enemies of certain hockey fans around the Mortar, but dammit…respect-where-respect is due. If marketing is a conversation, these guys are the type of people we’d want to be stuck next to at the bar. Extremely well-played, Bruins.

(We’re still keeping a close eye on those Canadians, though.)

Via Deadspin.

Nice.

And the radio? Perhaps somewhat cryptic to the improperly medicated, but if you were – cough- part of the target audience so to speak? Spot-on.

Any country that has a city that has a diner that has "a 24oz burger served with a quarter pound of cheese, a quarter pound of bacon, and 2 fried eggs…comes with a large shake and a small poutine." for only $23.95 Canadian? That country is ok by us. And our cardiologists. (Who we could see for free if we lived in Canada.)

Get the rest of the story at Toronto Life.

Remember this?

Yikes. Here’s hoping Mr. Bateman doesn’t get too upset when he sees the new logo and business cards we just released for online ad exchange AdBrite.

“Look at that subtle off-white coloring. The tasteful thickness of it…”

See how we did that? One minute, Halloween. The next minute, Random Movie Reference. Then…BAM! Work Stuff.  Office magic, people. Annnnd scene.

Ok, now on to the Actual Scary Things:

WARNING: Watching This Video In Its Entirety May Cause Violent Diarrhea And/Or The Condition Known As “Death By Embarassment.”

We’re not kidding. We only made it through the first 0:48. Really. Seriously.
We are so not kidding.

Oops. They pulled it. To be fair, it was supposed to be for an internal talent show. (They have that kind of budget for internal talent shows? That kind of profligacy is…scary! Awooooooo!)

Quick, Scoob! L-l-let’s get out of here!

Ahhhh. That’s better. You can always depend on the classics.
Speaking of which, it’s time for…Mortar Halloween Jukebox – iMeem Went Out Of Business Because The Economy Is So Scary-Edition!

No audio jukebox this year. And not as many songs. But you do get video, so there’s that.

DAVID/MARK/TODD: “Bela Lugosi’s Dead” -  Bauhaus.

Remember this from The Hunger? We’re not sure which is scarier – the atmosphere of vampiric menace, or the 80’s hair. Either way….awesomely scary.

SOPHIE: “Two of Hearts” – Stacy Q

We know. We know. But stay with us. This hilarious-yet-creepy scene is from Party Monster, an underrated yet highly scary flick. We’ve got chills just thinking about it.

SERENE: “Ghostbusters” – Ray Parker, Jr.

Wait a minute. Something’s wrong. This is a song from the 80’s. And everyone knows Serene’s musical tastes are permanently stuck in the 90’s. Which means…that’s not the real Serene! And she’s calling from inside the house!

HUGH – is about to rip the rubber mask off of what is obviously Pirate-Ghost Serene. Will need to gather strength first. Fortunately, there is “The Crusher” – The Novas.

And finally, a little Halloween treat from our favorite non-sparkle-vampire, Count Floyd.

Owooooo! Have fun out there. And GO GIANTS!!!

Crocodile hijacks plane?

Awesome!

Article about crocodile hijacking plane that reads like it may have been written by the crocodile?

Double Awesome!

You get the idea.

So.

Writeup in SFThrillist about fun stuff to do in Reno where each picture is a little bit misaligned which makes it seem like you can rent fully-automatic weapons at local eateries?

Awesome.

Using The Power Of Mortar to reverse Reno’s 13-year decline in visitors, room rates and tax revenues?

Double! Awesome!

The Part Where We Use Numbers To Back Up All That Big Talk:
In first 3 months of Mortar’s “Far From Expected” campaign, 

• The average daily rate paid for a room in Reno Tahoe jumped by 5%. (Awesome.) 
• Taxes from hotel rooms jumped by 25%.
  (Also awesome. You thought we were going to say “Double Awesome” there, but we’re talking about taxes, which carry a natural awesome-deficit, so, sorry, no.)
• Visitors to the area increased by some 82,000 room nights – the first growth in a period of nearly 13 years of decline. (See, now that is Double Awesome.)

Double Awesome. It's what we do.

The Part About The Results:
We could have bumped Reno’s numbers up by just giving stuff away. But that’s what’s been going on for 13 years. People throwing their chips in the air as if to say “Vegas! Sort of!” and then a too-low price on a room.  Instead, we went after “a specific subset of SF Bay Area tourists (with) the greatest potential for increased Reno visits.”  
People who liked Reno–but had not visited, or had visited once, time long ago.
People who are active on the Internet. People like you.

A recent EMC survey of over 1,000 adults in the San Francisco Bay Area showed the following:

"Awareness is higher, Intent-To-Visit is higher, and people are talking about Reno Tahoe USA more."

Facebook fans jumped over 1,000 within one week after the national Save RENO 911! campaign and over 600 within 3 weeks after the Bay To Breakers promotion. Flickr and YouTube hits are up 30%.

Some call it "a grown man in sheep suit." We call it: Strategy!

Attributes that were used to describe the Reno Tahoe brand are:  "fun" "good value" "easy" and "unpretentious.” Which, when you consider they used to say “diesel fumes and heartburn," blows right past awesome and heads straight to Double Awesome-town.

Our point? Great creative is awesome. But when it drives great results?
Make ours a double. Fact.

Illustrations courtesy of the amazingly stupendous Allie "Raptor Face" Brosh, whose blog, Hyperbole And A Half  is required reading of the very finest kind. We should all give her money. Right after we get back from Reno.

Mortar proudly presents the launch of Mohr Davidow Ventures' shiny new website. Click. Explore. Compare them to the rest of the kids in the industry.Then, let us know what you think!

When we were young, we read Kurt Vonnegut's Breakfast of Champions. And we enjoyed it mightily. But the one thing that stuck with us above all the many things that could have stuck with us about the book was this:

Now it wasn't so much Vonnegut's use of the word "asshole" that surprised us. (We hear it a lot in our business.) What surprised us blew us completely out of the water was his willingness to break the rules.The man just up and drew an asterisk! In the middle of the page! Of a novel! You can't DO that!
But he did. And it was shockingly unexpected. Yet no one arrested him. In fact, he sold a ton of books. Tons of books, plural. Great heaving boxcars of books. And slightly smaller boxcars filled with cash came back to him.

Which brings us to these delightful "Go Fishing" spots from takemefishingfilms:

The Bassador himself? Funny, but not roll-on-the-ground funny. But check this one out:

Wait a minute. You use half of your too-long-by-sixty-seconds-spot to argue with a talking fish? Using beautifully typeset graphics? In a video? With no music? You can't DO that! But they did. And it was shockingly unexpected. And we liked it. Not only that – we want to go fishing now. We doubt this will bring anyone great heaving boxcars of cash. But we do applaud the fish people's willingness to break arbitrary rules in the service of their idea. That's just good stuff.

Plus, we hope someone reels in that mouthy fish. He's begging for it.

Reeled in from the S.S. Adrants.

We could quibble with this and that…(EX: the "really?" thing is really getting played,) but overall, we're amazed that something with an actual concept made it out of the boardroom alive. Does someone at Crispin have compromising pictures of Steve Ballmer, Brett Favre and 500 gallons of Thousand Island dressing? Or could Microsoft's marketers actually be…learning?  Either way, nicely* done.

*If the dang phone turns out to be explosive or something, we take it back.

You either like it, or you don't. You either respond to it, or you don't.

And for as long as this game has been around, people have been trying to put it on an assembly line and bottle it. Which usually adds up to one person having an original thought, and about 10,000 other people grabbing that person's coattails and hanging on like grim death.

But here's a trick that works more often than not. Be authentic. Not what you think "Minivan Moms" "Early Adopters" or "Gen Y 2.0" will think is "authentic." What you know is authentic. Even if it's a little scary, or seems "too smart."  Because the second you get too concerned with doing what's easily bottled and replicated, you find yourself safely ensconced inside your undisclosed location corporate boardroom, and out of touch. Without the ability to be authentic.

And something like this happens.

Helvetica! And a blue square! Brilliant!

Honestly, we're not that shocked by this thing. Why? Because our expectations for a corporate behemoth like Gap are pretty low. We've designed a logo or two before. And the process of dragging the poor things through a conference room is closely akin to having weasels rip your flesh.

"OK! We'll use Helvetica! OK!"

But corporate behemothness is no excuse for pissing on our leg and telling us it's raining. Being big isn't in-and-of-itself the worst thing in the world. If anyone should be allowed to slap some Helvetica and a blue box together and call it a logo, it's Gap. After all, if they had done something groundbreaking, would any of us have suddenly mistaken them for scrappy indie upstarts? No. We're not saying they couldn't have done better. Of course they could have. But, we understand the "meh." We can accept the "meh."

Unfortunately, Gap didn't stop at "meh."

Crowdsourcing a new logo on Facebook?! Arrrrrrgh.

At best, we're looking at a weak-ass attempt to appear to be "listening."

At worst, we're looking at a global behemoth trying to get a new logo for free.

And we're definitely looking at the worst kind of cowardly treatment of their design team.

Let's see how these "passionate debates" are "unfolding."

"Dear Gap:
I'm doing this little project where I'm trying to rethink my clothing style. so here's what I want you to do:
-please design me a custom outfit. jeans, shirts, perhaps a coat and hat since it will be getting cool soon…"

Heh. Nice.

"You need a new name as well. How about "Chasm" or "Abyss." My work is done."

"Abyss." That's funny. But the one that sums it up best?

"First you guys f*ck up. Then you want someone to fix it for free?"

Ouch.
Now, in the past we've talked about relinquishing control of your brand, and how that can be a good thing. This ain't how. Because – whatever you think of the logo – the transparent pandering of the "crowdsourcing" stunt isn't authentic. Well, authentically lame, maybe.

Now for something completely different:

Awesome. Taking on NIKE? Recruit God. (And Doctor J.) Unreal.

Now, let's compare the conversation that went on in Gap's boardroom to the conversation that happened in Converse's:

GAP: "Let's get consensus. And consensus about the consensus. Look at some Powerpoint slides that prove whatever it is we already decided we want. And for god's sake don't do anything controversial. I'm thinking Helvetica. Is it time for lunch yet?"

CONVERSE: "Hey, you know what would be cool?"

Both of these efforts required a roll of the dice. Only one brand stepped to the table with the confidence that comes from an authentic effort.

You either get it, or you don't.

 UPDATE: Gap Caves In, Goes Back To Old Logo.

From their Facebook page:

"Ok. We've heard loud and clear that you don't like the new logo. We've learned a lot from the feedback. We only want what's best for the brand and our customers. So instead of crowdsourcing, we're bringing back the Blue Box tonight."

Gah. Listen up, Gap, because you obviously need the help: You chose the logo. You (probably) spent a lot of time making your decision. Second-guessing yourselves based on a bunch of pointy-headed bloggers complaints? You've made a huge mistake.  Again.

Dear Frank Howard Allen. Remember when we told you "No one cares about seeing Realtors' faces in ads, they just want to buy homes?" 

 We may have been wrong. So, when can we line you up for a photoshoot?

Baaaaaaaaad ad via Comedy Central.

Bastards.

You will never break the spirits of our brave American* Farm(ville) workers.

Well, what do we do now?

 



Yeah, yeah. Already did that. What else?

Sounds like our last creative presentation. HIYO!
But seriously, what else can we do?

Very nice. We loves us a Quick-Reaction PR Tweet. (Say that five times fast.)
Wicked-smaht, ZipCar Boston.

Oh, snnnnnap! Why you gotta hate, Emilburp?

HA! Suck it, Al Qaeda! USA! USA! USA!

Via ze Huffington Post, dahlinks.

Problem is, our capacity to focus on what’s good and what’s not is short-and-getting-shorter. Instead of lecturing them, we thought it might be nice to say “This is extra-good because…"

Hence a bouncing, baby brand for The Artists Formerly Known As TransFair USA. Check it out:

TransFair USA Changes Name to Fair Trade USA

 Nonprofit Launches New Name and Brand Identity during National Fair Trade Awareness Month in October

OAKLAND, CALIF. (September 21, 2010) – TransFair USA, the leading third-party certifier of Fair Trade products in the United States, today announces that the nonprofit organization will change its name to Fair Trade USA (www.fairtradeusa.org) on October 1, 2010. The updated, simplified name and brand identity will support the organization’s efforts to increase awareness of Fair Trade among a broader consumer audience, increase sales of Fair Trade Certified™ products, and generate more benefits for farmers and workers around the world.  The company’s ethical label–Fair Trade Certified™—will remain the same.

“American consumers and the business community are more eager than ever to embrace the simple concept of better products for a better world. Fair Trade delivers both,” said Paul Rice, President and CEO of Fair Trade USA. “In the past five years, consumer recognition of the Fair Trade Certified label has tripled. By strengthening our brand, we seek to accelerate that momentum and awaken millions of Americans to a simple truth: every purchase matters. Every shopping decision is an opportunity to improve lives, restore hope and protect the planet. Ultimately, we aim to dramatically increase the positive impact of Fair Trade for hardworking farming families around the world.”

Fair Trade empowers consumers to vote with their dollars for fair prices, better working conditions, environmental stewardship, and brighter futures for the people who make the high-quality products that they buy every day.  In 1998, TransFair USA pioneered Fair Trade certification in the United States.  In 12 years, it has helped industry partners and consumers generate nearly $200 million in additional revenues to support community development and sustainable agriculture in farming communities in 70 countries around the world. Today, as Fair Trade USA, the organization works with more than 800 companies to certify more than 6,000 products as Fair Trade. In 2009, Fair Trade Certified products generated $1.2 billion in retail sales. 

Fair Trade USA will transition the organization’s website and marketing materials over the next year, starting with Fair Trade Month, which also kicks off October 1^st with the theme “Every Purchase Matters.”  The annual national awareness campaign mobilizes a wide range of corporate, nonprofit, producer and consumer partners through more than 100 events, promotions and fund-raising parties across the United States.  These activities raise awareness of the Fair Trade movement as a comprehensive approach to social, economic and environmental empowerment and sustainability among farming communities in the developing world. 

"Looks like Bruce Bochy's bringing in the new kid. When it's time for a change, think SpeeDee Oil Change and Tuneup."

"WHOOOOOOOO! NEW KID! WHOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Well? Where is he?"

"Bochy may want to speed things up a bit. The crowd's getting a little impatient."

"Girl, you better have that baby." 

"Where is that kid? Oh, wait. He's right here, hiding behind my giant head."

Mortar, the San Francisco Giants, and everyone else we know would like to welcome Benjamin Earl Inclenrock to the ballpark. Let's check out his stats:

BATS: Left

THROWS: Left

HEIGHT: 20.5 inches long

WEIGHT: 8lb 8oz

NAMED AFTER BEN KLAU: No.

DOB: Today. A birthday he shares with Mortar alum Nora Thompson, who will be sure to show him where to get a Cha-Cha bowl. Took ya long enough, kid. Go get 'em.

"WHOOOOO! NEW KID! WHOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Take over, new kid. That crab freaks me out. I'm outta here."

Hey – we're into social media – maybe we should consult our peers!

Thanks, peers! This is even better than those Canadian Stoner Bears!

(You too, Consumerist.)

Have a bawlin' Friday, yo!

We saw The Best Political Ad EVER over at The Dog and Pony Show so we had to repost it.

Words to live by, people.

Fortunately, K-Swiss is doing it in a good way.

Think that's bananas? Check out Kenny Powers' INCREDIBLY, UNBELIEVABLY NSFW signing video.
Yeah. Wow.

Now, hard as this may be to believe, we don't think crazy-for-the-sake-of-crazy really gets you anywhere.

But.

If you're K-Swiss in a Nike/Reebok world? Maybe you don't follow the Athletic Gear Rule Book, which clearly states:

2(A): The Company Shall Market Product By Displaying Incredible Athletes. The Implied Promise Shall Be: "If You Buy This Stuff, You'll Be Just Like (INSERT ATHLETE NAME HERE.)"

Maybe you realize there's a big ol' world out there filled with has-beens and never-really-gave-a-crap-beens. Maybe you think, "The people who snuck behind the gym to smoke during P.E. class need shoes, too."

It's just crazy enough to work. Godspeed, K-Swiss. (Tubes!)

Via Adrants.

Ever wonder what it’s really like at Mortar? Sesame Street has the goods.

(Start ‘em young, that’s what we always say!)

P.S. “Sycophants?” Impressive!

Mortar client Antenna launched their shiny new Mortar-built website Monday – complete with shiny new logo and shiny new tagline.

We're predictably proud of it, but perhaps even prouder of the client's Facebook tribute to their new logo.

"Please leave 1/4" clear space around logo. Please do not eat logo."

Visit the site. Watch the video. Let us know what you think.

But here’s where it gets interesting – check out Chili’s “angry” response…in Comic Sans!

Being able to laugh at oneself is one of the best things a brand can do. It oozes confidence. Also, it’s funny. Plus, there’s that one Chili’s in the terminal at O’Hare? Never poisoned us once. Well done. 

Pardon the radio silence; we've been on the road. We'll make it up to you, we swear.
This poster from The Alamo Drafthouse Cinema in Austin, Texas would make a great desktop background, wouldn't it? Except aren't you kind of afraid you'll go get a cup of coffee and come back and your hard drive will be filled with adorable space guinea pigs? Check with your science officer before beaming aboard.

…They must read the Mortarblog.

So. To answer our own question, "No. There is nothing donuts cannot do."

We are seriously digging this new Allstate work!

When you’re up against GEICO and Progressive, it’s got to be tempting to pull out the Big Bag Of Crazy just because that’s what all the cool kids are doing. But then you remember you have a ga-jillion dollar brand to protect. But that doesn’t mean you have to suck. So what you do is, you position the world as crazy, while keeping Allstate customers “in good hands.”
Funny, on-point and stylish. Well done.

Rhett&Link strike again, and somehow make the repo man loveable. We’ll take our bacon out by the pool, Jeeves.

Running a down-and-in…to our stomachs!

From the Department Of Hilarious Unintentional PR, Seattle Seahawks rookie wide receiver Golden Tate got busted for breaking in to a Seattle-area Top Pot Donuts last night.

"They're irresistible," Tate said. "It was kind of a foolish mistake
that won't happen again."

At least not while the store is closed.

"If you ever want some maple bars, that's the place to go," he said.

Tate, 21, was neither arrested nor cited. He was given a warning,
said Officer Carla Iafrate, the public-information officer for Bellevue
Police.

Stupid rookie. That coach is gonna be on him like frosting on a delicious maple bar.

"I'm not disappointed in a guy being in a doughnut shop when they've
got maple bars like Top Pot has," Pete Carroll said."

D'oh!

But seriously – everyone who wants to go to Top Pot right freaking now raise your non-mousing hand. Us, too. Can you buy PR like that? You cannot. Unless you have donuts. Who says crime doesn't pay?

Read the full story at the Seattle Times.

A scant week after overtaking Microsoft as America's second-largest company, Apple has apparently decided to retire the venerable "Get A Mac" campaign. Now, we could argue about whether this makes good business sense or not all day long, but here's the important part:
In a sea of sucktitude, "Get A Mac" consistently brought smiles to our faces. The moment we saw John Hodgman's fact-packed melon, we knew we were in for a good time. How many other campaigns can you say that about? Uh-huh. That's what we thought. Hopefully this tribute video takes a bit of the sting out. 

Run for the hills! Pablo is really really mad about hitting into so many double-plays! That's what this is, right? Right? No? It's just a teaser for King-Kong 360-3D? Sigh. It was a beautiful dream for a minute there.

Thanks for nothing, Adrants.

This is a picture of an anime character known as Kaneda. He has a cool motorcycle. 

Mix up the letters a little and you get Kenada,  the alter ego of our own Scott, who will be spinning "eclectric" (yes, more mixed up letters) music tomorrow night at Otis. What's "eclectric?" Just what it sounds like. You take two tracks and make something even better out of them. Hear it for yourself. It's just the thing to take the sting out of Tuesdays, which, as of last report, still suck.
 

To say it's "caused a bit of a stir" is a bit like saying "The Titanic had a few bugs to work out."

But did those Londoners back down? Never, never, never! They doubled down. Not with delicious chicken sandwiches, but with this:

Presenting "Wenlock" and "Mandeville," the official mascots of the 2012 London Summer Olympic Games. 

No, we're not kidding. They even did a video!

But you know who is kidding? The kids. As in, "The Kids, They Will Mess With Your Brand."

Let's see what you scamps have gotten up to with your PhotoShop.

Expected. (But still funny.)

"Not in our house, Chalmers!"

"Say "What the #*#$&* are those things supposed to be?" again, mother#*$er.
Say it again. I dare you!"

"Sweep the leg-like protrusion, Johnny!"

We're through the looking glass, people.

This explains so much. Enjoy the rest of your Friday – and please continue twirling, twirling, twirling to freedom.

There's more (NSFW but hilarious) fun over at Deadspin.

*Work with us, people. It's Tuesday.

Via Adrants. AAAAAADRAAAAANTS.

See?

SEE!?

There is good, cheap, non-douchey fun to be found in the Biggest Little City. (And alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol.) Go check it out for yourselves!
Just don't tell the you-know-whos.

Thanks, Team CoCo!

San Francisco in 4K from Patrick Lawler on Vimeo.

Patrick Lawler shoots San Francisco using the RED ONE @ 4K 16:9. Which will mean very little to you until you view this video in HD at full-screen. His stunning videography makes us glad to live and work here. (And should give you food for thought if you're wondering whether or not to come visit the Mortar.)

Happy Friday!

Via the har har har. Yes, again.

"Make stuff people like. It's in the rulebook."

Mortar client Antenna just bought out Vaultus Mobile Technologies, the people who designed the eTrade app for iPhone and Droid – and gave the world the power to invest using the trusted knowledge of golf-playing talking babies.  Putting our well-documented antipathy toward The Talking Baby Gimmick aside for a moment, we think this purchase says something interesting.

Gene Signorini, vice president of market watcher Yankee Group’s Anywhere Enterprise Research division, says: “With this acquisition, Antenna has positioned itself to tap directly into…mobile market dynamics.”

To which we say, “Get to the interesting part, Gene.”

At which point Gene says, “Employees are demanding that mobile applications for business deliver the same type of user experiences that they are accustomed to getting from their personal life."

Thank you, Gene. That’s what we were looking for.

It’s like this, y'all: Somebody (Antenna) is building really cool apps that people use at work. The guy who fixes your Xerox machine. The guy who delivers Murphy’s Stout.  Instead of the clipboards they used to carry around, folks like that now have smartphones. Which do smart stuff.  So naturally, those folks – and the people who got them the technology in the first place – demand that level of functionality in their personal lives. Vaultus delivered that. And Antenna wisely snapped them up. See need, address need. Smart. 

That's the third Mortar client to get snapped up since we started the agency, and the second to do so after completing our brand development process (Jigsaw join Rydex Investments in that honor).

Its big news for sales managers everywhere as the combination of Jigsaw's crowd sourcing genius and SalesForce's dominance of CRM come together in, dare I say it, a cloud of gloriously fresh leads.  

Salesforce.com's shares jumped several % on the news.

Intelligent coverage here.

In between writing screenplays for Rambo and prehistoric grizzlies bursting from refrigerators in the woods of Maine (FreezerBurn), our buddy Richard Smith produced these shorts for the History Channel.

Using chalk and audio he recorded over the phone.

Click through for some awesome chalk shorts.

See the rest here.

Our first mobile app client, and the undisputed king of photosharing on the iPhone, AirMe, just landed a much vaunted official honoree nomination in the social networking category of the upcoming Webby's. Cool.

So perhaps you've heard of this Tiger Woods fellow. Been in the news a bit lately. Kinda took Nike's "Just Do It" tagline a bit literally.  Here is Nike/W+K's rejoinder, featuring Tiger's recently deceased father. It's fascinating, on a lot of levels.

Is it nakedly exploitative and self-serving? Absolutely. Which is interesting in-and-of-itself. This spot doesn't try to be anything else. Nike is saying, in effect, "You're not stupid. You know we're trying to sell golf crap. And you know we've invested gajillions in this guy. And you know no one has more to gain from a potential comeback than us. But still, check this out."

That's pretty smart.

We bet a lot of people will make the (facile) charge that "Nike's trying to put one over on us." We don't think that's true. The situation is what it is. Nike has to face it head-on whether they want to or not. So they're putting their biggest star out there and letting his dead father scold him for thirty seconds. They're treating us like adults, and they'll probably reap the whirlwind for doing so. We wish them luck with that.

But wait, there's more.

This is a very tightly-controlled exercise in American Celebutard Contrition. By which we mean – the standard drill is:

1. Celebutard Does Something Bad.
2. Lies About Same.
3. Comes Clean.
4. Hides/Goes To Rehab.
5. Appears on Oprah to Explain Self/Take Whuppin'.
6. Lies Low, Waits For Someone Else To Do Something Worse.
7. All Better.

Tiger can't really pull off step #6 if he expects to remain in the job he's trained for since he was five years old.  But what's interesting is how Nike, Tiger, and W+K are getting around step #5.

He actually is taking his whuppin', and from his dead father, no less. "Sure, Nike – dig up Dad and have him scold me while I stand there and take it." Dramatic. Undoubtedly painful. But far less undignified – and uncontrolled – than the typical Oprah Shame Spectacle. Does it let Tiger off too easily? Probably. Does it rehab his brand? Oh hell, no. But it's a necessary step toward that end. Does it sell Nike Golf? Time will tell. Does it get people talking? Oh, hell yes. Which is good for Nike, and astonishingly freaking great for W+K.

It makes us wonder – who's in charge here? Phil Knight? Tiger? Dan Wieden? We're talking a $100 million-plus endorsement deal here. Certainly Nike has the right to make a few demands. And W+K has a duty to the brand to deliver an emotional gut-punch. But where did the decision-making start? And end? Who said, "This is what we're going to do." ?

Finally, the voiceover itself.

"Tiger? I am more, um, inclined to be inquisitive…to promote discussion. I want to find out what your thinking was…I want to find out what your feelings are…and, did you learn anything?"

On the one hand, this is an awfully soft wristslap for one of the biggest Bimbo Eruptions in modern history. We rather thought Elin's approach was more appropriate.

On the other, we live in a world that's absolutely dominated by mass media. (A world Nike and W+K had a pretty big hand in creating, if you ask us.)  We see the havoc the Global Hype Machine is capable of wreaking every time we turn on a tv, computer or however you get your news these days. Look around – it's scary out there, and getting scarier by the second.

So. Is this self-serving? Yes.
Does it let Tiger off too easily? Definitely.

But.

Has the calm, measured, "let's all take a deep breath" nature of Earl's speech taken things down a notch? And has the spot – all elements taken together -  perhaps even changed the very nature of the conversation about: Nike, Tiger, marital infidelity, celebrity, and mass media?

Has W+K rebranded the f#*$ing apology!?

We kinda think it has. We may change our minds later. But…wow. 

(All that being said, South Park did it way better, and two weeks earlier. Those guys are the heavyweight champions of the world. Very NSFW, but hilarious.)

Ok, so maybe I'm on vacation and a little bitter I missed the Girl-scout-cookie-fest (you just know all the mint thins are gone already; and all that will remain for me on Monday will be one, solitary, macaroon). Still, it gives me the slimmest of opportunities to post this troubling snap our Todd shot last year in a far away land… (which for reasons we can't get into we cannot identify).

Yup. Rat. Its what's for dinner. (Shoulda given this one to Hugh).

So imagine our glee when given the opportunity to do it with something better than (ok, ok- as good as) cold hard cash: Girl Scout cookies, yo.

This A.M., our good friends/clients the Girl Scouts of Northern California sent Mortar an obscene amount of post-cookie sale goodness to our doorstep in order to celebrate the Best Cookie Season EVER.

Forever, ever?
Forever ever.

Sales are up 9.5% over last year, a hugely significant jump for any retail enterprise, and we're so thrilled to have helped make this a landmark year for our favorite entrepreneurs. More info will follow in the coming weeks.

Thanks Girls, but we can't take all the credit. But we will eat all of these cookies.  And by 'will' I mean 'did.'

Well, what do you know? It's a shiny new website for Bright Now! Dental, designed and written by Mortar.  Check it out and let us know what you think.

And don't forget to floss.

Nicorette wouldn't be a hard product to work on – after all, when your audience is literally dependent upon the thing you make, it ain't real hard to get them to buy it. Still, most companies would take that knowledge as a License To Suck. Nicorette did not. Great job.

Via Adrants, who probably never smoked.

"Make the logo bigger! I hate you! Waaaaaaaaaaah!"

OK, clients. We promise never to complain again.*
While we have gotten some wacky briefs in our time, we've never gotten anything like author Bill Zeman gets from his client daughter, 5 year-old Rosie: "A sick crocodile." "A bone dinosaur eating a baby." "A cat killing a rat." "I don't even want a drawing.  Do whatever you want." It's genius, and it's called Tiny Art Director, and you can buy it from Amazon, or check out his blog here. 

Via Boing-Boing.

*Offer not valid in the continental United States, Canada, Israel, or on the Mysterious Island Of Open-Minded Flight Attendants. All rights reserved. May cause the gum disease known as gingivitis.

The Last Advertising Agency On Earth from FITC on Vimeo.

Yeah, yeah, we know – you've seen this by now. But we're giving it some (more) gratuitous play because it has semi-nudity and people wearing bear heads not because it has semi-nudity and people wearing bear heads, but because we liked what this fellow Adam had to say about it:

"Statistically dubious, mildly patronising and about 3 years too late to
be relevant. The internet isn't going to destroy the ad agency. Blogs
aren't going to destroy TV. The internet forces a more open dialogue,
sure, and makes it harder to cover up a bad product with a good ad.
The internet is the world's largest communications tool, connecting you
with thousands of people you wouldn't otherwise be able to connect with.
Good advertising understands this. Bad advertising doesn't."

We couldn't have said it better ourselves. Wait, maybe we could have: Use the internet (and all the other media at your disposal) to talk with your audience, not at them. Right?

Via Adrants, yes, again.

So, why is this Kotex spot notable?
Because it's funny? Well, yes. Of course. This is the Mortarblog. But that's not the biggest reason. This spot is notable because it doesn't treat its audience like idiots. Forgetting for a moment how sad is it that Not Being Treated Like An Idiot is frickin' miraculous, let us say this: if your competitors are all doing one thing, consider doing the other. Especially if "the other" involves being honest with yourself, and with your audience. You'll know you're doing it right when you get this weird feeling of exhilaration. It comes from trusting your audience. It comes from having nothing to hide. It comes from being proud to make or sell or do whatever it is you make or sell or do. You'll be amazed at what you get in return. Well done, Kotex.

Via The Dog And Pony Show.

"I am Squirticus!"

Sophie's bird Squirt visits the Mortar. Although it was our understanding that everyone had heard.

"The Wilmer Shields Rich Awards Program for Excellence In Communications recognizes and encourages excellence in communications by foundations and corporate giving programs."

Looks like they recognized excellence when they saw Marin Community Foundation's shiny new Mortar-built website, since they gave it a Gold Award. Are we surprised? Not really. Good clients = good work = good results. Are we happy? Deliriously. But then, we're always kinda delirious.

There are no words.

Via Boing-Boing.

It's Girl Scout cookie time, which also happens to be our favorite time of the year.

Coincidence?  Maybe.

Or maybe its because the days are getting a wee bit longer, the cherry blossoms are a bloomin,' and we no longer have to harbor misguided and irrational rage towards a bitter and lonely breed of rodent who may or may not see his own shadow in some destitute New England village.

But mostly it's the cookies.

Cookie booth sales kick off TODAY,  and our very own Nor Cal Girl Scouts are leading the way in the social media and tech space, being the savvy, smart and notoriously adorable little do-gooders who have captivated NPR's All Things Considered.

Where can you buy some boxes, you say? All systems GO for the GPS locater of confections, the interwebs' answer to sugar withdrawals. Visit  www.ilovecookies.org -and type in your zip code for a booth near you. Plus you can make amazing recipes like Do-Si Do^® Thai peanut chicken, Somoas^® Fried Shrimp, Thin Mint Brownies and OMG I'm too hungry to keep going.

Did we mention all cookies have 0 grams trans-fat? No breaking resolutions quite yet.  Hurry up though, the kiddies pack up stands on March 21. Now only if NASA could get their act together…

We don't know what a Phantom camera is, but we want one. We also have a strange craving for dry dog food. Very nicely done.

If you didn't catch our mention on Adrants on Friday, then listen up: after a long, arduous journey not dissimilar to the Donner Party's, Our Reno Tahoe rebranding effort is taking a few baby steps into the public eye. If you're headed west over the Bay Bridge you'll see these billboards for the next year – so let us take a moment to say that while we strongly encourage a visit to Reno Tahoe, we strongly discourage whipping power u-turns mid-span. One board is powered by Twitter, so follow the tourist board @RenoTahoe if you're thinking of going up. Because a road trip to Reno Tahoe is great, but a road trip with a discount at the end of it is like a road trip wrapped in delicious bacon.

Upholstered Bike! With Upholstered Bike Lock! Wheeeeee!

Ok, so how is an upholstered bike (and bike lock) relevant to marketing? Here's how: Because it's Random Goodness. Why on earth would someone do this? Because they freakin' felt like it, that's why. And you know what? It got results. Not only did this random act of upholstery brighten our day, it got us to stop, snap a photo, upload said photo, and blog about the whole thing.
Something to consider the next time you're using accounting spreadsheets and a bloodless Checklist Of Important-Sounding Marketing Buzzwords to judge the efficacy of your creative.

People like Random Goodness. They respond to it. Why? Because they freakin' feel like it.

Look for more All-Seeing Eye in the future, and please feel free to send us your submissions.

Are you familiar with Peripheral Artery Disease? We hope not. PAD is the leading cause of amputation in patients over 50, and is responsible for approximately 160,000 amputations in the United States every year. Mortar client Avinger makes a game-changing device to treat it. And now they have a game-changing website to market it with. Thanks to everyone who worked on it.
The tooting of our own horn will commence now.

Readers of this blog should know we’re dedicated
to shaping conversations between people and brands—out on the big,
brave, slightly bewildering new frontier where social media, PR and
digital/traditional marketing converge. We’re definitely not afraid to
experiment (or to make mistakes along the way).

But that’s tempered by
a grown up, buttoned down (well, sorta) approach to running our
business.

The most important thing? Our business models begins and ends with communications planning (our own special blend of account planning).

So we’re looking for someone who’s part entrepreneur. Part
evangelist. A little quantitative. Supremely intuitive. And every inch a change agent.

You’ll be at the rich, gooey center of an integrated team that
includes account strategists, creatives, media consultants, and PR
specialists.

To qualify you’ll need at least 1-2+ years of relevant planning/market research experience, including
demonstrated expertise in strategic analysis, market segmentation and
consumer research.

Plus, you’ll need to be able to (behold the bulleted list):

• Provide leadership on brand initiatives
• Drive big ideas across multiple channels/platforms
• Experiment with/be inspired by social media
• Integrate new cultural trends and research tools
• Translate findings into clear, actionable strategies
• Write compelling positioning documents and briefs
• Envelop clients and consumers in your god/godess-like aura

Part-timers are strongly encouraged to apply–we’re particularly keen
to hear from experienced practitioners who are itching to get back in the
game (you know who you are).

Oh, and you’ll need a sense of humor. Or, at the very least, be able to laugh in the face of intense pressure.

And be able to laugh at yourself. And us. Definitely. Too much to ask?
You tell us.

Send a resume and brief email to: subject “Jnr. Planner”
at thatsme@mortaragency.com.

1957 – Elvis. Chevrolet Bel-Airs. And Old-Spice… “From the laboratories of Shulton.”

1967?- Not sure what year this is, but we’d guess ’66-’67. It’s wild! Swingin’! And makes us want to drink tequila even more than usual!

1971 – “If you’re a bespectacled dork, and you like to stalk sailors…Old Spice.”

1978 – Meanwhile across the pond, Old Spice becomes an iconic…surf brand?

1978 – And on this side of the pond, you can almost hear the drunken meeting between Research and Creative: “Girls like it. Order another round and bill the client.”

1983 - Old Spice Is Not For You. Yeesh.

1990 – We’re out of ideas! Dust off the Sailor!

2000-something – Bruce Campbell! Now we’re getting somewhere. Check out the ship in the background.

2010 – The one you’ve been waiting for. They even get the YouTube “More Info” copy right: “We’re not saying this body wash will make your man smell into a romantic millionaire jet fighter pilot, but we are insinuating it.” See? That’s called “understanding the conversation.” People are clicking through to see you – so be the brand you want your brand to smell like the entire time. Jet fighters and punching, gentle readers. Jet fighters and punching. Great, great stuff.

Ironically, we Googled Google’s ad and couldn’t find it.

UPDATE: There we go. Nice work, Google.
The rest of you SUCKED. What’s up with the Emasculated Men Theme? Or the Fat Guys With No Pants theme? We know the economy sucks and you’re scared, but it doesn’t mean you need to retreat into the hackneyed or sophomoric.
Google has something to sell, and sold it in an interesting way. Snickers has…Snickers bars, but at least they gave us Betty White who seems to get funnier by the second.
Geaux Saints!

How annoying was the whole Obama-Unauthorized-Weatherproof-ad-thing?

Did you have to do this?

"No, Mom, we don't think he posed." 

"No, Mom, it's not technically illegal." 

"No, Mom, it's just not done. Because it's not. Because it's not. What? We're not "taking a tone" with you. What? Yes, we're getting enough sleep. No. No. NO. Mom. MOM. We gotta go. No. Yes. OK. Soon. Our prostate!? Mom! Gah!" 

So we were delighted to see this clever spoof on behalf of one of the very best shows you're not watching, AMC's Breaking Bad. Check it out if you have the time.

Via our pals at AdRants.

Needless to say, we are underwhelmed with this editorial decision. We are not into beating dead horses- or any animal for that matter. So let us tell you about some REAL sports news, hot off the press:

Though you know we are all about Team America, we must admit the U.S. is somewhat of a 'late bloomer' in many ways:

• comprehensive health care
• Soccer
• The metric system

and now, Lawn Bowls.

To remedy this, we've just begun PR work for the US Lawn Bowls Association in order to help the sport gain some visibility in the U.S., a nation under the spell of that highly irritating but oddly attractive NFL robot.

Oh-kay,  so Lawn Bowls doesn't have a bot, and that might have be on our to-do list. But the sport is enjoying a huge international renaissance, gaining popularity in Japan, and ESPN Magazine just gave Michael Siddall, reigning US Champ, a nice mention December's issue. 

Check and Mate, Tiger.

But did you know:

• There are over 100 clubs in the USA? (And probably one near you)
• That the 2009 Men's National Champ is also a Lutheran Minister?
• It was invented by the ancient Egyptians and brought to America in 1632?
• Sir Francis Drake was an avid player?
• 14 year old Joshua Burnowski is the youngest competing player in the US?
• That playing a game of Lawn Bowls is as healthy as a session of yoga?
• It's incredibly fun and easy to learn, but equally difficult to master?
• You can watch  'Lawn Bowls 101' video here?

We didn't think so.

Lucky for Mortar, San Francisco has the OLDEST turf in country, and we've has already drafted a crisis communications document apologizing for any and all incidents heretofore that may occur on the greens as a result of the Mortar Agency, LLC.

Check out the official release and while your at it, Become a fan of Lawn Bowls in the USA on Facebook.

If Borat can do it, so can you.

Every one of those young scholars is now thinking "Coca-Cola = Happy." Not rocket science, but highly effective. Nicely done.

Via Creativity Online.

"Size matters not…Oh, shoe size you meant. 12EE I am. Yeah, that's right." 

We're kinda diggin' the new Adidas X Star Wars Collection. Even better is the Facebook app they put out where you can use the Death Star to zap your friends' houses. Something-something Dark Siiiiiiiiiiide.

Almost forgot: that Mos Eisley really is a wretched hive of scum and villainy. Our kind of NSFW town!

"Avast, me hearties! We be plunderin' a treasure trove of sensible Korean cars! With a 10 year/10,000 mile powertrain limited warranty*!"

So we were fooling around doing brand research over at Jalopnik when we discovered this story about Somali pirates making off with a ship full of Hyundais. Like you, our first reaction was, "Hyundais? Pirates drive Hyundais?" Our second reaction was, "How many pirate jokes can we make?" (More on that in a minute.)

But what really put the wind in our sails was Hyundai PR flack Dan Bedore's Quick-Reaction Tweet:

"Even pirates seem to be switching to Hyundai." 

Running up your brand's colors in a bad situation? That be some fine P.R., fair and true.  (Our best wishes for the safe return of the crew.)

As for the rest of you scallywags, run out the guns and give us a broadside of seafarin' puntasticness in the Comments section. We'll get you started with one from a Jalopnik commenter:

"They thought the ship was filled with Honda Type …"Arrrrrrrrs""

On second thought…belay that…

*See yer scurvy dog of a dealer for limited warranty details.

Is that guy's Surprised Face priceless or what? Here's hoping we can put a similar look on your mugs in 2010. Thanks for reading, and Happy New Year from all of us at Mortar.

Via the mighty-mighty Har Har Har.

“Damn you modern technology! Damn you to hell!”

Kids! It’s time to play:

Keep Him or Dump Him? The Game of Celebutard Scandal!

It’s the game where you’re the brand manager..and you have to decide if your celebutard spokesperson’s personal transgressions outweigh his ability to hit a ball into a cup! It’s wacky fun…with sexy results.

For a zippy soundtrack, click the bar below. 

TPIR

Accenture: ALREADY DUMPED HIM. Yeah, that one was pretty predictable. If you’re a business rules company, and your slogan is “Go Ahead, Be A Tiger,” you’re probably hitting your head on a desk right now. Also: canning his ass.

Nike Golf: Couldn’t dump him if they wanted to. And apparently, they don’t want to.
 
American Express: We say, they’re gonna leave home without him. Time will tell.
 
Tag Heuer: The Swiss looked the other way for Hitler, they’ll look the other way for Tiger.

Electronic Arts: Ah, video games. Always the pinnacle of morality. They’ll probably give him a raise. (HINT: Press A-A-B-A-A to unlock the secret VIP Room Level!)
 
Buick Golf: We say they keep him. It’s Buick. Who’s going to know?
 
Gillete: Check the roster then ask yourself, is this really The Best A Man Can Get? Derek Jeter says no. Gone.
 
Golf Digest: Keeping him. Unless you’re re-upping your subscription for info on Phil Mickleson’s man-boobs.
 
NetJets: Wanna get away? Should keep him. Probably won’t.
 
Target: Ironically, he probably could’ve gotten a “burner” here for about $20. We say – gone.
 
TLC Laser Eye Centers: SO gone. Which is a shame, because we just thought of a hilarious TV spot for them. Actually, about 12 14 hilarious TV spots.
 
TV Asahi: The Japanese? The same people who tie a sandwich to your head and release a komodo dragon? He will not be banished to the land of wind and ghosts. Keep.
 
Upper Deck: They can start a whole new line with just his mistresses! What? They are?.
 
Yahoo! Sports: Hmmm. Some Shallow Alto loyalty for the Stanford homie? We say yes. He stays.

It’s a 7 to 7 tie! We all know how young Eldrick does in a playoff. Good luck, son. You’re gonna need it.

UPDATE: Some say Stephen Colbert reads the Mortarblog. Don’t believe us? Check out this clip from last night’s Colbert Report. About 1:21 in there’s an awfully familiar joke…

The Colbert Report	Mon – Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Accenture Drops Tiger Woods
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor U.S. Speedskating

And while we're not going to rant as hard as Steve did in its defense, we will say – if you feel sexually threatened by anthropomorphic bubbles, you probably have bigger problems than which cleanser to use. We were somewhat persuaded by the commenter who was unpleasantly reminded of being "ogled by construction workers," but isn't the larger point that the audience should be disturbed by what's in their cleansers?

What say you?

The Foundation’s aim is to do good wherever we can, not by just handing out bundles of cash willy-nilly, but by maximizing the impact of the good works people like you do. On Friday, December 4, we’ll be up on the podium at Golden Gate University, handing out our first grants to three very worthy recipients: minority female students who work full-time and need a little help to complete their studies and earn their undergraduate degrees. Our funds not only help these hardworking students get ahead, they give us a chance to stay closely involved with one of our oldest and most loyal clients. It's a win-win-win-win-win situation, which has to be some kind of first.  Congratulations to the winners, and stay tuned for lots more good news about lots more good works. (Lord knows we’ve got enough to make up for.)

We know we've been promising you a new website for a long time now, and we swear it's coming soon. In the meantime, take a look at our new-and-improved portfolio page.

…while gently massaging your wallet.

OK so those don’t suck, and we’re sure their audience likes them just fine.
But we don’t do “just fine.” We do “love beyond reason.”
And you know what we love beyond reason?
Target’s Christmas campaign, starring the amazing Maria Bamford.

Evil sister promotes the good ol’ doorbuster while making us laugh.

Cool sister promotes Target as a place that’s worth spazzing out over…while letting us know we don't have to spaz. What is that weird feeling coming over us? Do we…actually want to shop at a big-box store? Nice work, Target.

Collect the whole set!

Mark should not make promises he does not plan to keep. Especially with the new iPhone’s memo capabilities. Get that man a pineapple-vodka! (We know. We know.) Click the thingy below to listen.

"There's only room for one "smarmy San Francisco-based independent integrated marketing communications company" in this alley, pal!"

So you probably heard about the nefarious "Stand For Marriage" anti-gay douchebaggery perpetrated by an agency right here in our little alley. Let's get one thing straight clear: That wasn't us. There are a lot of things we'd do for money. (Shut up.)  But selling out our friends, neighbors, and loved ones ain't one of them. So, if you're headed this way with pitchforks and torches, remember: we're the nice, talented not-evil people at 25 Maiden Lane; they're the soulless bloodsuckers at 58. Just follow the snail trail.

Our pals at the har har har remind us to hang in there, baby.

News via SFist; art via Pulp International.

We may have raised the dead, but the car’s ok.

Time to fire up the Mortar Jukebox, boils and ghouls. Let’s see who digs what for Halloween.

SOPHIE – always with the classics, that Sophie. Monster Mash – Bobby “Boris” Pickett.

MOLLY – her brother was bitten by a real bat last night. For reals! Her song – Nightmare on My Street – DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince – is even more scary.

KHAIA/NOK – Bonus points for picking a song by an actual ghost!  Thriller – Michael Jackson.

ALICE – We were hoping for the Marilyn Manson version but…I Put A Spell On You – Bette Midler.

SERENE – Decorated the office for Halloween, so she gets two picks: The Devil Went Down To Georgia – Primus/Dracula’s Lament – Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

RYAN – OK, you want a full-on freakshow? We proudly nervously present Trapped In The Closet – R. Kelly.

HUGH – Hey, somebody had to bring the death metal – Laser Cannon Deth Sentence, Dethklok.

SHAUNA – Looks innocent. Is gangsta. Deep End – Swollen Members.

DAVID – Looks kooky. Is kooky. Brings that kooky Witchcraft – Frank Sinatra.

CHRIS – We couldn’t find Chris’ original pick, but this is pretty close: Crash Course in PLO Style – Metallica vs. Wu-Tang Clan.

RENATA – Is a misfit. And she also did the Monster Mash – Misfits.

Zombie Flanders would like to remind you to sign up for the monthly Blogblast if you haven’t already.

Enjoy the Evil Jukebox, and have a Happy Halloween!

Mortar Halloween 2009

"Fabuttractive!?" Really? While we're inventing new words, how about  "Hacktastic?" 

Via the ironically-named-for-a-day AdGoodness.

Marketing: Communications Strategy for a Conversation Model – Advertising Age – CMO Strategy.

Allow us to break it down:

Setting up a Facebook page is not enough. That’s like hearing that someone wants to have a conversation, and handing them little finger sandwiches so they can snack while they have the conversation. It’s nice and all, but it’s also irrelevant.

CONSUMER: “I’m thinking of buying a hybrid.”

BAD MARKETER: “Great! Would you like a sandwich?”

CONSUMER: “No thanks, I just ate. So where are the reviews of the top three hybrids?”

BAD MARKETER: “Sandwich?”

CONSUMER: “Still no. Are there surveys? Forums I could read?”

BAD MARKETER: “These sandwiches are delicious. We cut the crusts off.”

CONSUMER: “Grrrrrr.”

Aaaaaand scene.

The point is – treat  your marketing like a real conversation. Listen. Respond. Act like a human, not a robot.

All kidding aside, (Well, not all kidding,) we loves us an honest approach.

Also, random whipcracks. Well done!

Chris says: "Feels like another case of someone at Microsoft saying, "Let's make some ads that feel as cool as the Mac ads. But don't make it feel like a Mac ad.""

We say: "Hey! We've totally been to that Duane Reade."

We also say: "So, when Windows 7 turns out to be as craptastic as Vista, we blame that bald dude?"

"….It's a phenomenal amount.

Ad-man
Ben Walker says the commercial also changed advertising by opening
companies up to more exciting ideas. He sat on a jury that voted it one
of the best ads of the year.

From then on, the question in corporate boardrooms has been…

WALKER: What's the next Gorilla, we want the next one of those, yeah."

NPR continues:

"None
of the ads have run in the U.S., but Cadbury's Tony Bilsborough says
they've received millions of hits on You Tube, and inspired dozens of
homemade spoofs from all over the world.

BILSBOROUGH: The advertising itself has actually made Cadbury — the brand — cool again.

And cool is something Kraft will probably have to pay extra for."

Food for thought. Full story here.

It appears, however, that we've sprung a leak.

On the bright side, Sienna is not at fault. This time. 

MOLLY: "Look up, genius." 

HUGH: "Not without a brief."

Don't y'all fret none. Big ideas are waterproof.

And today – Marin Community Foundation's website with the Power Of Mortar:

Not to toot our own horn, but…it looks a little better. Go check it out. Did you know MCF just gave $35 million to Marin County schools? It's true. You can look it up. And if you go to school in Marin, you can look it up with your new tutor, or during your new after-school program…

Far be it from us to criticize the great Hugh Hefner (blessings and peace be upon him,) but the cover girl for Playboy's November 2009 issue is rumored to be…Marge Simpson?! Well, we suppose it does get folks talking about Playboy, which is always a good thing. For Playboy.

Plus, it gives us an excuse to post random Simpsons quotes:

You tell her, Homey.

One day a while back, digital marketing innovator Eyeblaster looked around and noticed – "Hey! Digital media sucks! You spend all your time running reports that don’t work, and no time on strategy!"
 So they built a product called MediaMind that fixes all that.
Then, they had us make them a couple of videos about MediaMind.
Then, they put the videos up on a pretty cool aggregator site – digitalshouldbesimple.com
The critics are somewhat amused.
“A frustrated user then airs her grievances with somewhat hilarious results.”

 If you’re in digital media, definitely check it out. Even if you’re not, go watch the videos. You’ll recognize a few Mortar folks in there – and perhaps learn to fear Alice as much as we do.

Robot Fabrication by Art Wilinski
Field and Post-Production by Upper Diamond.

Yowza. At the rate Renata's Amazing Apartment-Eating Dog is trashing her place, she's burning through all her startup cash. You know where she should go? Matrix Partners. We know they would be perfect partners for her and Eatie McFurniture because Matrix's smart, easy-to-navigate website focuses on what they can do for entrepeneurs, as opposed to being all "Look at us, we funded so-and-so and our dogs never eat our couches." Imagine what you could do if a group of people who really understand smart consumer conversations and great web design built your next site.
Just don't ask us to train your dog.

.

Check out this gallery of Apple ads from 1977 to the present. At first, it's good, campy fun. Then, it turns into a house of horrors. You can actually tell from the ads precisely when Steve Jobs was run off the reservation, and when he returned. (That co-op ad with Quark? Eeesh.)
Taken together, the collection echoes a theme we always hammer on here – your audience controls the conversation, not you. The lecture-y, long-copy* ads make you want to claw your own eyes out. The ads that hint at what you could do if you had a Mac do not. In fact, they're still insanely great.

There's a cool exhibit of the technology itself as well.

*Long-copy ads are not automatically bad. But when they are…/shudder.

>
This is the trailer for Logorama – “17 minutes of Hollywood blockbuster action, rife with car chases, natural disasters, and hostage-taking, but created entirely out of real world logotypes and brand characters. In it, you’ll see the Michelin Man, the Haribo kid, Bob’s Big Boy, Mr. Pringle and Ronald McDonald, but in some very unfamiliar roles playing the classic movie archetypes of good guys, bad guys and foils.”

We certainly do assign personalities to brands – it should be interesting to see the filmmakers’ interpretations of each one. For example – we can see Ronald McDonald being evil, if only because he’s a clown. But the Michelin Man is the good guy? We would’ve gone with Mr. Peanut.

Naturally, this – like all great ideas – has been done before by The Simpsons.
 
Via Creativity.

Given some variable demographics, you might:

1)
Throw a rock

2)
Start a band

3)
Sob uncontrollably

4)
Post some nasty Facebook photos

5)
Make a voodoo doll

-or-

6) Do what Reno did. Go renegade with a reverse psychology smack-down and launch a national PR campaign to celebrate them…but not without being a little cheeky.

A couple weeks back when the network-who-could-not-be-named announced they were ditching Reno 911!, the RSCVA sprung into action with a Save Reno 911! viral campaign which has resulted in some great buzz. 

Contrary to logic but embracing all irony, not only do they want to show to survive and thrive, but this time with a catch: FILM IN RENO. Duh. Last time we checked the Sierra's didn't have palm trees.

And its at benchmark status folks:

1,220 petition signers on the website
1,293 fans on Facebook
267 followers on Twitter

…and counting. Check out this USA Today article that is right on the money. And stay tuned for more from the Save Reno 911! coalition. This ain't over 'till we get some Dangle action up there.

Check out the awesome copy on this flyer. Doesn't this guy's  situation remind you of Pee-Wee's Big Adventure?  You know, we had a couple laptops stolen recently…HEY…you don't suppose...they're in the basement of the Alamo? Well, wherever they are, we hope they take this bike thief straight to hell.

We are crushed to announce the recent cancellation of Comedy Central's RENO 911. Officers, you were an inspiration to us all. We present this PNSFW (Probably Not Safe For Work – why what did you think it stood for?) video in memoriam.

NOTE: This does not, repeat not mean you can just go to Reno and launch a crime spree. In the words of Deputy Travis Junior: "If a terrorist wanted to commit a crime in Reno, well, he's never been to Reno."

Those were funny words. Let's have some more of those.

LIEUTENANT JIM DANGLE: I think that goes for most of us. When you are interested in something, you want to learn about and you get better at it. Like my interest in musical theater.

DEPUTY TRAVIS JUNIOR: You gotten better at it?

LIEUTENANT JIM DANGLE: No, but I’m interested in it.

Someone told us today that "Coca Cola" is the second most recognized word in the world. I wonder why…

via the Consumerist

Check out this collection of classics from DMB&B archives from the 1950's-1980's. It's amazing. We recommend starting with the Old Spice stuff, like this spot starring "Dave," who says one of his reasons for splashing on the 'Spice is, "Joelle…Mmmmmm." 

Or at least someone tell us what the hell "Fluffo" is.

We mention this here for a number of reasons:
First, Stephen Colbert is off today, so we’re picking up the slack.
Second, we got this story from MonkeysInTheNews.Com, which means there’s a website called Monkeys In The News. (dot-com.)
Third, we needed to provide an alibi for Renata’s dog, who was busy getting expelled from puppy school last night, and nowhere near the scene of the crime. We swear.

]]> http://www.mortarblog.com/2009/07/monkey-on-the-lam.html/feed 0 http://www.mortarblog.com/2009/07/renata-will-be-with-you-shortly.html?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=renata-will-be-with-you-shortly http://www.mortarblog.com/2009/07/renata-will-be-with-you-shortly.html#comments Thu, 23 Jul 2009 14:20:51 +0000 Hugh http://blog-mortar.dev/2009/07/renata-will-be-with-you-shortly/

People often tell us: "Mortar looks like a fun place to work." or "Your office seems like a nice place."  We agree. It is.  Sometimes, however, we take things a little far. (OK, "Most times.")
Apparently, Renata's dog feels so strongly about Chateau D'Mortar that she threw a little tantrum upon not getting to come in today.
So.
If you are Cesar Millan, please call.
If you are a carpet company who'd like to work out a little trade, please call.

If you need Renata, she will get back to you as soon as FEMA leaves.

A lot of people will tell you that Apple’s “1984″ commercial is the greatest ad of all time. And hey, it is great. But 40 years ago today, something else insanely great happened. This ad, like “1984,” ran just once; July 20, 1969. Timely. Truthful. And wonderfully self-deprecating. When a company has the guts to call its flagship product “ugly,” yet still manages to tie it to one of humankind’s greatest achievements, well, it’s worth a mention.

Oh yeah, and Neil Armstrong and MHS alum Buzz Aldrin also did some stuff.

Apollo 11 Highlights from Todd Day on Vimeo.

Now this is why we miss the days of three-martini lunches. (Besides the martinis, that is.) How hammered would you have to be to write this?  And how schnockered would the client have to be to approve it? "Yeah, "Chubby." Let's go with that."  That must have been the best brief ever.
Anyway, that's actually one of the less horrifying examples of the bad old days you'll find in this post: 15 Creepiest Vintage Ads Of All Time, up on RetroComedy right now. Check it out.

   WE SAID "CHECK IT OUT!" NOW!

Via Boing-Boing, as usual.

Everybody has a Michael Jackson memory.
If you didn’t, well, you do now. RIP.

Thank you for crashing our inbox with all of your delicious
qualifications. Due to the overwhelming response, we might have to hire
an intern to hire our intern.

Trust that we have, indeed, received all queries, and are in the
process of sifting and selecting. We will get back (soon, we promise)
and set up an interview sometime in the week of June 29ish.

Please, no calls or follow-up emails. As much as we'd like to
personally get back to you all, it just ain't gonna happen. If you are
a finalist you'll be hearing from us – warn your parents.

Thank you for your interest in Mortar!

The Management. ]]> http://www.mortarblog.com/2009/06/update-intern-watch-2009-breaking-news.html/feed 0 http://www.mortarblog.com/2009/06/like-to-travel-wanna-talk-with-us-make-a-buck.html?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=like-to-travel-wanna-talk-with-us-make-a-buck http://www.mortarblog.com/2009/06/like-to-travel-wanna-talk-with-us-make-a-buck.html#comments Thu, 25 Jun 2009 17:51:52 +0000 MortarMark http://blog-mortar.dev/2009/06/like-to-travel-wanna-talk-with-us-make-a-buck/ Ok, there are a few other qualities you need in order to participate. So click here, fill out our survey, and we'll let you know if you fit the bill. Oh, and we'll pay you $75 bucks. Not too shabby. Cheers!

When agencies sell digital creative to clients, they just love to go on and on about how “measurable” it is.

It’s a great thing to say in a meeting. But it begs the question – is anyone really reading those numbers? And if so, what are they doing with them? 

Our pals at Eyeblaster just completed a study on exactly that question. And what did they find? They’re too polite to say so, but we will: if the digital advertisers of the world were a kid, they’d be one of those kids you see in the mall on a leash.

It’s bad enough that a lot of these knuckleheads never even bother to track how their display ads are performing versus how their keyword ads are. (How does that work? It’s like leaving money beneath a magical tree and hoping it brings you business! Who does this? And where can we get us one of those trees?)

But what really drives us crazy is the ugly realization that the dreaded “Brand Offline, Drive Response Online” meme is still alive. People! Please! This jibba-jabba should be deader than disco.

But it keeps coming back. Like disco.

It would be great if people would collectively agree to pretend not to notice the difference between what you say you stand for (“We are just like you. And we would never, ever pressure you.” ) and what you really stand for, (“Give us money! Now!”)  but that ain’t reality. 

In reality, everything you do affects your brand. Which means you’re not allowed to inflict crap upon your audience some of the time, even if it’s “only online.” Those “hardworking” ads sound great in meetings. But they make you seem dishonest, and they create the clutter you work so hard to break through. That’s nuts.

Check out these stories:

The first is from that Eyeblaster report, in which they very politely point out the industry’s general dumbassery when it comes to cross-channel marketing.

The second is from Advertising Age, and it asks the simple question: Why Hasn’t Online Advertising Had a Creative Revolution?   Beats us.  But we’ll tell you this – breakthrough creative delivers greater sales, more economically achieved. And that’s something everyone wants – not just some of the time.

And we are smitten.

It's the sublimely unspoiled, supremely authentic, ridiculously cool getaway we always wanted but thought we could never have, much like the unicorn we never got for our birthday.

Part of us (a big part) wants to keep this goodness to ourselves, but where is the fun in that?

Been there done that? No way, hombre. Take the next fun train, bi-plane, or *hitchhike and see what you've been missing.

*Mortar does not condone hitchhiking. Usually.

We're a big fan of the experiential.

Y'know when marketers get their hands dirty and actually mix it up with their customers.

So here's a shout out to someone who's doing it oh, so right. Stand up the great folks at "Outstanding in the Field".

We attended one of their slow food events at an abalaone farm on the bluffs just north of Cayucos, CA (yeah, we had never heard of it either). Click through for photos and witness some more slow food goodness. And yes, food really does taste better in the open air.

Check out the event's vintner, Terry Hoag's winery while you are at it.

Rumor has it that OITF also does events in sea caves. We are so signed up for that.

About you:

You're crazy for the media – your understanding of the hideous
she-beast that is the popular culture sets you apart. Experience with
and/or understanding of the "social media" revolution / web 2.0 is a
big plus- you don't have to be a tech expert, but you do need to know
that Facebook is for more than just seeing how pathetic all your exes
have gotten. Experience with online media directories (i.e. Bacon’s) a
plus but not required; we are a Mac-powered office, hopefully you are,
too. (Mac-powered, not "an office." That would be weird.)

Sense of humor g-o-o-d, but professionalism paired with a voracious curiosity for all things media is what we are really after.

In addition to PR support, there will be additional administrative
research/business development projects that will also be a major role
in your daily duties.

This will start as a 1-3 month “test drive”, with excellent potential
for full-time hire. (We are not currently accepting applications for
summer internships. Please apply only if you are available on a
full-time basis should this turn into a permanent position).

In addition to the obligatory coffee, skittles and beer, we’re
offering something a little different. The chance to help build a new
kind of agency. Send an email pitch, along with your resume. Due to
time constraints, we can only respond to candidates we want to
interview. And no calls, please. We’re on the phone enough already.

*You don't actually have to know how to hotwire a car. But it'd be a hell of a lot cooler if you did.

serene@mortarpr.com

This is a lovely image of two glasses of Cerveza Imperial, one of our very favorite beers. Looks good, right?

And this is a significantly less lovely image of a bad bottle of Imperial.
See the funk floating on the bottom? Ew.
So, imagine our panic as we were about to enjoy a beer…and were denied by the funk! And yes, all 12 we had on hand were like that. Needless to say, there was much wringing of hands and rending of garments. After we uncurled from our fetal position, we shot that picture. And first thing Monday, you best believe we fired off an email to Imperial's U.S. distributor, Black Eagle Imports.

Four-minute response time? With a promise to make it right? Not bad. Not bad at all. But Black Eagle doesn't do "not bad." They do "kick-ass." So a few hours later, we get another message saying: "Black Eagle Imports has sent you a package."  We haven't gotten the package yet, but we're going to assume it isn't ticking. They didn't have to do that. That's kick ass. Don't think we didn't notice.

But wait, there's more. A little later, we get a personal call from the rep, who tells us he's made sure there is fresh product waiting for us at the store – just return the bad stuff so they can strap it to a Titan III rocket booster and shoot it into the very heart of an imploding neutron star millions of light years from Earth.

Oh, and we got the beer no problem. And no funk.

But that's not all! Today, we get yet another note from Black Eagle, apologizing for us  " …not (being) able to enjoy a cold Imperial when you wanted to." (Well, it was traumatic.)

The moral of the story? Everything You Do Affects Your Audience's Perception Of You. We liked Imperial before. Now, we love it beyond reason. All because we feel taken care of – by a distributor. It wasn't
that hard – just the cost of a few beers and a few minutes. But a
little good will goes a long way. Especially when there's beer involved. Gracias, amigos. Pura Vida!

One Guy Dancing = Freaker.

Two Guys Dancing = Get A Room. Or At Least, Dance Lessons.

Three Guys Dancing = Dance Party!

Seth Godin brings up the important point that…

"…Before (Guy #3,) it was just a crazy dancing guy and then maybe one other crazy guy. But it's guy #3 who made it a movement.
Initiators are rare indeed, but it's scary to be the leader.
Guy #3 is rare too, but it's a lot less scary and just as important.
Guy #49 is irrelevant. No bravery points for being part of the mob.
We need more guy #3s"

Via our pal Catalina, at Catalista.

Here's a fun look at the evolution of Crayola's brand over the years. How great does the old stuff look?

Via The Dieline.com

To apply please send resume and a cover note of no more than 300 words describing:

- Your approach to working under pressure and deadlines (and no, studying for finals does not count)
- Success herding cats – even though puppies are traditionally lousy at this
- Business writing experience
- RFP production expertise
- If you have video editing/creation experience all the better
- Negotiating schedules with internal staff
- Your willingness to make the occasional coffee run

Candidates with agency experience will be reviewed first. Extra points for Keynote and Pages skills.

Send your note, subject line: "Woof", to smartypants@mortaragency.com. But no calls please, we're on the phone enough as it is.

So our pals at the Reno-Sparks Convention and Visitors Authority asked us to help them with an offer to get the attention of meeting planners. We funnied it up a little. What do you know – it's getting results! The point being – there's no law that says you have to inflict boredom upon your audience just because that's what they're used to. In fact, that's the best audience to surprise.

Ah, the Eternal Mystery Of The Click-Through. Has Yahoo! cracked the code? Hell if we know. But this here's an interesting article about folks trying to figure it out.

What's the one thing we always, always say here at the Mortarblog?

That you have an insatiable hunger for bacon?

No, the other thing.

Never trust the English?

No, the other-other thing.

OK! We didn't study! You got us. Are you happy now? Gah!

We always, always say: The Kids, They Will Mess With Your Brand.

And it looks like the kids have found a hilarious new way to do so. Well, maybe not that new. But still hilarious. Now, if you're the maker of this fine product, and you see your baby being teased on the virtual playground that is the Interweb, what's your next move?

Do you:

A: Jump into the Comments fray and start a flame war?
B: Pull the product?
C: Sit back, take any and all kidding with gentle good humor and then ride your courtesy scooter to the bank with your giant stack of cash?

It's weird when your brand gets away from you. But it's not always bad.

UPDATE 5/22:

What did we say? What did we say!?

Take it away, Washington Post:

"…The New Hampshire company that makes the "Three Wolf Moon" shirt said
that it doesn't generally mind being the butt of this joke.

"You have to be able to laugh at yourself," said Michael McGloin, a
partner and art director at the Mountain, who added that he finds some
of the reviews to be "freaking hilarious."

The company certainly doesn't mind the shirt's recent uptick in
sales: "Three Wolf Moon" is sold out, and the Mountain has started
printing up a fresh batch. It seems that the wolf theme was growing in
popularity even before the Internet hipsters descended, McGloin said.

"Wolf shirts are super hot right now," he said. "It's the year of the wolf, I guess."

Don't hurt your back hauling those big bags of cash, Mr. McGloin.

If anyone needs us, we'll be in the Smug Satisfaction Suite.

Via The Daily Dish.

Hey, remember about a month ago we showed you this new identity work we did for the San Francisco AIDS Foundation? Well, not to toot our own horn or anything, but it got an awfully nice writeup over at Brand New, which is a site we read regularly and respect. We are humbled and grateful.

Thanks, Brand New!

There is nothing we love more than a brand that can take a punch. Remember back in February when this happened? Well, our pals made their triumphant return to The Daily Show the other night, and gave those socialist Swedes what for.
You’ve got free healthcare and 10 weeks a year of paid vacation? Whatever. We’ve got Baconnaise. Do you have Baconnaise? Oh, you don’t? How sad for you.  

You already know of our big fat love for Virgin America. Now, they’re adding Wi-Fi to more flights and…serving Absinthe! What could go wrong? And why does all this remind us of our new favorite website, TextsFromLastNight.com?

It’s that good. 
Mortarblog readers, you are cleared for takeoff.

Vector control courtesy of Boing-Boing. Yes, again.

In which we take a moment to wish our own Mark Williams a very happy birthday. Let the spirit take hold of you and leave a comment in his honor, won't you? Hallelujah!

Just goes to show that not even our Silicon Valley neighbors- and by “neighbors” we mean people that would release the hounds if we came close to their uber mansions -are immune to the dreaded “R word.”
The Full Story, if you like that sort of thing

Presenting "Good Cop/Naked Cop." How glad are you we didn't post this in HD?

Funny stuff from Cheerwine, by Hauser Group.

Happy Friday, and thanks, Adrants.

Check out this effort from Saatchi & Saatchi Jakarta.
The people! They look like fleas! There'll be food around the corner…

Via Coolhunter.net

We've got some people in L'Aquila.
Say a prayer, light a candle, and if you can, please donate to the Italian Red Cross. Grazie.

Huh. Boing-Boing calls this "Microsoft's best anti-Apple ad." We say: "That's crazy talk." To us, it seems like they've pretty much waved the white flag – Lauren comes right out and says "I guess I'm just not cool enough to own a Mac." The rest of the pitch is basically "It's got all the basic stuff you need – why pay more?"
Now, in a marketplace filled with what are basically parity products – isn't saying "We're Pretty Good! And Cheap!" the proverbial express elevator to the proverbial bargain basement? Won't all your licensees just undercut each others' prices? What if your message was something more like, "You'd Be Surprised How Cool And Easy To Use Our Products Are?" Like, you know, this?

Oh. Wait. You already did. And did it better. Do your brand managers talk to each other, Microsoft?
Building a brand is a conversation. Listening to you is like purple monkey bathtub listening to someone who just bicycle potato hasenpfeffer throws random non-sequiturs into every sentence. You guys almost have something coherent to say. The fact that you keep tripping over yourselves to say it underscores the idea that you're a big, dumb corporation.
And in this marketplace, big dumb corporations are easy targets.

UPDATE: Homeless Frank is a PC, too!

Admit it: You secretly wonder just what the hell is up with Twitter. Is the minutae of anyone's day really that interesting? Then, you discover Christopher Walken uses it. And it all becomes clear.

Via the Daily Dish.

Stumbled upon these images of the post-consumer age many pundits believe we are fast leaving behind. Man, I hope they are right. Originals here.

Depicts two million plastic beverage bottles, the number used in the US every five minutes.

Good times. But they were also messy times. And dangerous. And quite possibly illegal. Why are we talking about this? Doesn’t this violate the terms of the plea bargain? It might. But we have a point, and it is this:

You say you want “to do a viral.”

We say: “Sure. But it’s messy. And dangerous. And it’s going to give your brand manager the agita.”

This Los Angeles Times article on Jack in the Box’s latest extravaganza says it perfectly:

Are you ready for that? For reals? Read the article. See how it’s done…and how it’s not. Then tell us you want to do a viral. Operators are standing by.

And just for the fun of it, let’s brainstorm:

Tough love from GolfNow.com.

What do we always say here at the Mortarblog? (Besides a lot of stuff about bacon.)
We say – The Kids, They Will Mess With Your Brand.

So here, what we see is – San Francisco's Pizzeria Delfina taking negative Yelp! reviews…and turning them into employee t-shirts. Could this be a case of: Your Brand, It Will Mess With The Kids?

We think it could.

First, let us say, we love this. There is nothing like a willingness to laugh at oneself that endears us more to a brand. Self-deprecating humor absolutely oozes confidence. And what are consumers screaming for these days? (Again, besides bacon.)  Confidence.

Some illuminating comments:

But our story doesn't end there.
While browsing the comments section of another post about the post about the shirt about the post, we noticed a meme taking root,  – The "Yelp! Is Shaking Us Down" Conspiracy Theory.  It's as old as paid advertising – If You Don't Buy An Ad, We Can't Be Responsible For What Happens Next.

It gets even better when another commenter thinks.."Hey…you know what Yelp! ought to do?" 
Yes. Yes we do.

But wait! What's this? Somehow, the story gets even better when the Reverse Conspiracy Theory appears:

Did we just blow your mind?
Or are you more like this guy?

Can we get an "amen?" Also a large salcicca?

Remember how we sent half the agency on the AIDS/Lifecycle as part of winning the San Francisco AIDS Foundation redesign? Well, our work is done. And you see it here.

Unfortunately, their work–the work to defeat the spread of AIDS and HIV is far from over.

You can give here.

Yes we are.

We attract a great mix of clients who love our blend of integrated services.

Now, we need a fiendishly clever Public Relations Pro.

Most important is finding a self-starter with the right blend of media and client relations experience and superb organizational and writing skills.

Our ideal candidate will think differently about PR and understand how it interacts with marketing, branding and all the rest of the communications goodness. They will have an acute sense of the big picture, get excited by the possibilities of a start-up and won’t break a sweat at the challenges of a small budget. They will also need 3-5 years experience pitching consumer goods and services, with at least 1-2 in an agency. (Oh, and sorry, but we don't want to hear those w/only deep-tech exp.).

You’ll also need a killer book—heavy on media coverage that made a difference, great writing and creative, strategic programs.

Sense of humor g-o-o-d. 

In addition to the obligatory coffee, skittles and beer, we’re offering something a little different.

The chance to help build a new kind of agency. 

Send an email pitch to heythere@mortarpr.com, along with your resume.

Due to time constraints, we can only respond to candidates we want to interview.

Also, we can’t consider candidates who live outside the Bay Area. Sorry.

And no calls, please. We’re on the phone enough already.

heythere@mortarpr.com

All good, right?
Then, at about 2:14, this happened.

Um…ouch!
First off, we’d like to say, “Nuh-uh, all things Bacon Salt are good.” Second off, we’d like to tell the kids at Bacon Salt to keep their heads up – the Daily Show audience is widely populated by…how do we say this? People who are predisposed to eating stuff. Because they’re unusually hungry.

(Paging Michael Phelps. Michael Phelps to a white courtesy phone…)

So when Baconnaise made its first appearance, we could hear a collective “Duuuuuuuuuuuuude, we gotta get some of that!” ring out across the nation.
(OK, so we could also hear the “On second thought…” across the nation, too. But it wasn’t as loud.)
In fact, we (Ok, they,) even have consumer video proving conclusively that Baconnaise does not make your tongue…you know.

Awwwwwwwwwwwww. Does the bunny at 1:58 remind you of anyone?
Nice job, Samsung.

Viral goodness via the good people at Adrants.

"American commercials go from the head to the wallet, British ones
from the head to the heart, French, from the heart to the head…We stress sex and wit in our
ads because that’s our culture,” Mr. Martin, the union chief, said.
“Advertising is about presenting an idealized view of its audience. And
this is who we would like to think we are.”"

This and much more goodness in In France, Ads Aim at Heart, Not Wallet in the New York Times.

This very interesting article makes us wonder – are the French really that much more soulful, or are we just so much more used to television advertising that we expect a certain Setup/Punchline/Sell paradigm to be obeyed?

Have a glass of wine, ponder the hopelessness of existence and let us know your thoughts.

Or this?

Oh. By making cars like this:

Now, we quite agree that GM needs to trim some fat. Probably, they should just focus on Cadillac and Chevy. Yet they’ve decided to get rid of Saturn – the only decent American cars of the last 15 years – and keep Buick? Why? So the rest of us can know not to get stuck behind one? What do we think of when we see a Buick? How about: “Hang On A Second, I Gotta Pass Grandma.”

But the plot thickens:  From the 1954 Willys we drove in high school to the random  Merkurs, MGBs and Studebakers we see on the road today, enthusiasts keep the brands they’re passionate about in a sort of otherworldly automotive limbo. Neither dead nor alive, these zombie car brands never really die, no matter how hard their creators try to kill them. (We’re looking at you, Zombie Oldsmobile.) Kinda curious, no?

Anyway, here’s hoping Pontiac gets its mojo back – it shouldn’t be so easy to kill brands people write songs about.

Did you notice we got through that entire post without making a “braaaaaaaains” joke? Probably because we’re talking about GM.

It’s a rhyming Mortarblog

all about Trader Joe’s

The place that sells cookies

on which we overdose.

Believe in yourself

and then work like a dog.

And maybe one day
your brand’ll make the Mortarblog.

Nothing rhymes with Boing-Boing, even with an alluring bossa-nova beat.
But thanks for the tip.

What's gotten into Mazda? Did their parents go out or something?
First, they decide to not freak out about Michael Phelps, then they run this for Canadian grads. Can't they see…it's a print ad?

Via Jalopnik and Deadspin.

We've said it before and we'll say it again: The kids, they likes to mess with your brand.

Via The Daily Dish.

Do it. Truuust us.

Thanks, Daily Candy.

MORTARBLOG: Ready, guys?

ADORABLE ORANGE KITTEN: "Weady."

LEE MARVIN: "I was born ready, punk."

MORTARBLOG: OK, first up, "Huluwood," starring Alec Baldwin for Hulu.com.

LEE MARVIN: ""An evil plot to destroy the world." Yeah. That's funny. You mushbrains keep riiiiight on laughing."

AOK: ""Mushy-mushy." I wike it. Keeps evwyone fwom knowing about my evil pwot for world."

MORTARBLOG: OK, so Hulu's a winner. Next up, Sobe, with "Lizard Lake."

LEE MARVIN: (stares angrily, jacks round into .45 automatic.)

AOK: (stares angrily, jacks round into adorable little .45 automatic)

MORTARBLOG: Wow. You guys really hated that one.

LEE MARVIN: "These better get better."

AOK: "Word."

MORTARBLOG: We're probably not in the demographic. I'm sure it will sell a lot of…drink. (adjusts collar, wipes brow) Is it hot in here? OK, next up – some old friends for Cash4Gold.com

LEE MARVIN: "Hmm. I might know where a few gold teeth are…lying around. Not bad."

AOK: "Wecession sad."

MORTARBLOG: Amen to that, Kitten. Wecession sad indeed. Maybe some flowers will cheer us up. Let's take a look at this spot from Teleflora.

LEE MARVIN: "'The competition's flowers aren't just lame, they're destructive and evil.' Now that's a strategy you can do something with. I like it."

AOK: "WHO YOU CAWLIN 'FAT AND SMEWWY' PAL!? YOU WANT A PIECE OF THIS!?"

LEE MARVIN: "Easy, kid. Easy. Too many witnesses."

MORTARBLOG: OK, split decision on that one. Kitten, I know you'll love this one, isn't this guy your cousin?

LEE MARVIN: "I usually only eat mescal worms or the still-beating hearts of my enemies, but I gotta say, I might have a side of Cheetos next time."

AOK: "Cousin Chester funny. Gwad he got out of wehab."

MORTARBLOG: OK, so we like the Cheetos. Speaking of old friends, let's take a look at the resolution of that Denny's spot we teased last week:

LEE MARVIN: "See? What did I tell you. Nice setup – weak resolution."

AOK: (curls up in chair, sleeps)

MORTARBLOG: Huh. No love for the pancakes. OK guys, two minutes in the fourth quarter, down by three…CareerBuilder:

LEE MARVIN: "Somebody called me "dummy" at work once. Once. Funny ad, though."

AOK: "Purrrrrrrr."

MORTARBLOG: Well there you go – five we liked, one we hated, and one we-told-you-so. Congratulations to the Pittsburgh Steelers, and thanks to both of you. Two weeks until pitchers and catchers report!

Let’s meet the players:

LEE MARVIN: February 19, 1924 – August 29, 1987

American film actor known for playing villains, soldiers, and other hard-boiled characters. Won 1965 Best Actor Oscar for Cat Ballou. 
PFC, US Marine Corps, sniper, 4th Marine Division. Awarded Purple Heart for being shot in ass at Battle of Saipan.  Died over 20 years ago, yet can still kick your ass.

HAS ABSOLUTELY ZERO PATIENCE FOR: Consensus-building, light beer, people who say "synergy," small dogs, "playing it safe."

 

ADORABLE ORANGE KITTEN: January 1, 2009 –

Kitten. Known for batting at things, leaping, playing with string. Obsessed with “cheezburgers.” Ironically, has never seen Cat Ballou. 
Is just the cutest wittle thing you ever saw yes he is yes he is yes he is.

IS ABSOLUTELY TERRIFIED OF: Risk, danger, peril, uncertainty, "seeming too smart," angry letters, small dogs, and taking chances.

And now, to our first interview…

MORTARBLOG: A pleasure to meet you both.

LEE MARVIN: “Tequila. Straight. Now.”

ADORABLE ORANGE KITTEN: “O hai. I can haz cheezburger?”

MORTARBLOG: We’ll send out for tequila and cheeseburgers, yes. So, the Super Bowl is coming up. Three million dollars a spot. I’ve got a sneak preview to show you. Let’s look at this work from Denny’s. Molly, can you roll the clip?

LEE MARVIN: “I like Denny’s. Nothing like a "Moons Over My Hammy" after a night on the town with Borgnine. That guy’s a friggin’ maniac. And I like Goodby. But you know what I hate? I hate teaser ads. They make you think something really great is going to happen later. But it rarely does. So rarely does. Kinda makes me want to shoot the director in the face.”

MORTARBLOG: Ooooooooooookay. Is that tequila here yet? No? All right, Kitten, you’re up.

AOK: “I can haz wesolution? Also, music was scawy. Bweakfast not scawy.”

MORTARBLOG: Well, there you have it. “Shoot the director in the face,” versus “scawy bweakfast.” We look forward to much more in-depth conversation with you both.

AOK: “Where cheezburger? You pwomised!”

LEE MARVIN: “The little pussy’s right.” (jacks .45 round into chamber, stares menacingly.)

Stay tuned for more exciting creative commentary and new media explorations with Lee Marvin and Adorable Orange Kitten, and be sure not to miss The Marvin and Kitten Super Bowl Special! Coming this Monday, only at the Mortarblog.

We were going to do a DABA Girls As Signs Of The Impending Apocalypse-Post, but then we saw that the New York Times got there first, and, well, we weren't about to follow The Old Grey Lady. After all, everyone knows that New York is over, and Washington is all what-what now.

(Since Mortarblog is ensconced in a fortified bunker in San Francisco, we will continue looking down our noses at both y'all.)

But we did notice a shiny nugget amongst the wreckage:

Gilt Groupe provides fashion enthusiasts online access to designer fashion from top brands at sample sale prices.

Pick us up something shiny, won't you? And stay tuned for the triumphant return of the Mortar Recession Kit. Because nothing says I love you like cheap drinks and a spork.

Ponder that notion for a moment:

British people. Complaining. About food.

These are the people who thought, "I know, let's take a sheep's brains, add oatmeal, stuff it in a sheep stomach and boil the whole thing! Gah, it'll be great!"

We must be talking seriously scary vittles here.

Anyway, you Mortarblog regulars know  – if there's one thing we harp about, it's this: People interact with your brand now. They can-and-will mess with you. Handle it wrong, and you're toast. Handle it right and you're much more delicious toast, served with butter and jelly on the finest china in all the land. 

This gentleman was apparently less than pleased with Virgin Atlantic's board of fare. So he decided to interact with the brand. Our favorite bit:

Sir Richard gave the bloke a call, and hopefully smoothed it all over. Any of you lot flying Virgin Atlantic these days? If so, do give us a restaurant review and let us know if the letter had any effect. It certainly got some press.

…right after this. The Hopeful Hearts Club, by Michael Cuffe. 

The singer's going to sing a song/and he wants you all to sing along.

Via Boing-Boing.

Ricardo Montalban
1920-2009

Fantasy Island star Ricardo Montalban
died today at Casa Montalban of natural causes. He was 88.

Now, important to the cultural lexicon as Montalban may be – why are we talking about this here? This is why: let's face it, folks. You don't remember Montalban from his star turn in Pepita Jimenez. No.
You remember Montalban for three things: Fantasy Island, Wrath of Khan…and this:

That's right. El Cordoba.
They gave Montalban one of the single worst cars ever built, paired it with possibly the single hackiest script ever written, and he still made it legendary.

May you rest in peace and rich Corinthian leather, compadre. Vaya con Dios.

P.S. Shatner, you better have an alibi.

Scoopage via RadarOnline.

What's next? Perhaps Daytum. Currently in private BETA, Daytum is a blog-like or Facebook profile-like community for sharing your personal data. If people are this into sharing the makeup of their minutes in tweets, sharing all aspects of daily lives might be the logical progression – minutes late, jackets worn, drinks drank, and more.

It's certainly good looking and interesting. And the founder's annual report is a gorgeous way of summing up all the little actions that make up a person's year.

1. The recession. (But the recession kit is damn cool, if I do say so myself)

2. Change. Brought on by Obama (awesome), but not so awesome that this word now epitomizes everything 2009.

Even IKEA has jumped on the "change" bandwagon, converting Washington D.C.'s Union Station into a mock Oval Office fully equipped with IKEA furniture and Secret Service officers.

For the "Embrace Change" campaign, IKEA has taken over Union Station with posters, banners, and wraps.

The campaign is timely and well-executed, but I'm still eying that spork.

Thanks to Apartment Therapy for the tip.

Dude. We totally know what you mean. When you can't get that stupid little straw to to go in the CapriSun box? And you're just sitting there stabbing the thing and the kid's all "wah-wah" and everbody's all staring at you? Sucks!

Or maybe the man just really hates O.J. Simpson?
Or really likes Sunny-D?

Awesomeness amid the global wreckage courtesy of Mortar alum Jeremy, via Murderburger.

Audrey Grace Inclenrock joined the Mortar family on December 27th, 2008 at 8:05 AM, making her parents – and Ryan, who won the baby pool – very happy. As for the rest of us, well, it's hard to stay mad at those chubby cheeks, innit?

But she still owes us five bucks.

Congratulations!

You could say: “2008 had its ups and downs.” You could also say: “The Titanic had a few navigational problems,” or “That Rod Blagojevich certainly is saucy.”
Fortunately, Eirik Solheim has managed to distill the year that was into 40 stunning seconds.

Speakers on for added goodness.

Via Laughing Squid.

Did you ever see Rocky III?
Remember when Mr. T's character, Clubber Lang, is training to take down the champ? In a classic 1980's Sports Montage we see the glitz and glamour of Rocky's 5-star hotel "training regimen" juxtaposed against Clubber doing pull-ups in an abandoned building; his bleeding hands gripping exposed rebar.

When we see this year's crop of Agency Holiday Cards, we pity the fools.
We look at those overfed, pampered agencies, and we say: "You tell Balboa I'm comin' for him!"

See, like Clubber, Mortar comes from the streets. And like Clubber, we'll whup any fool tries to take away what we got. So there will be no high-budget holiday extravaganzas from us. No Mad Men homages. No singing pickles. Just a simple Mortar Recession Kit. It doesn't have fancy production values, or spa memberships. Just the things people like us need to survive times like these: Liquor, fire, and a spork.

MORTAR PUTS THE "MR. T" IN "CHARITY."

Let us return to our reading of The Book of Clubber, which tells us: "My prediction? Pain."  As usual, he's right. It's rougher than ever out there, folks. So pick up a Mortar Recession Kit of your very own on eBay right here. It's for a good cause.

Why should bacon get to have all the fun? This sausage ad from Hungary makes us really hungr…must…resist…bad…pun…strength…failing…

Thanks for the snack, Boing-Boing!

Remember about two posts ago when we were talking about allowing consumers to participate in your brand?

The other day, we were walking through Montgomery station, and there was a little jazz trio there, and we started humming along with the music, thinking to ourselves: “What is this song? Is it from a TV show? A movie? No..it’s the Super Mario Brothers Theme!” Similarities between a MUNI ride and chasing an ungrateful princess through fields of homicidal mushrooms notwithstanding, we were intrigued. Turns out, our buds at VH1′s Best Week Ever are calling it “our generation’s Dark Side of the Moon.” While that may be hyperbole, the devotion of Mario fans is undeniable. The picture above shows a 17,000-pushpin student tribute to Mario. And the video below? An actual love song about the brand.

Imagine how freaking cool it would be if Nintendo made this a spot!

AgencySpy, you advance to the next level.

Well, we're back. Rarin' to go. Really. Hey, at least we're more motivated than John Scalzi, who has reinvented the art of procrastination by taping bacon to his cat. Hasn't he ever heard of Bacon Salt?

You guys know Vikki has seen Katie Couric naked, right? Well, she has. But, what made us think of this was actually this article in Penthouse The New York Times about reaching an audience that doesn't sit obediently before a single screen, waiting to be spoon-fed the news, but gets a lot of different news, at different times, in front of a lot of different screens. Our favorite bit:

Yep – that "invitation to participate" is pretty important stuff. Some brands offer it. Others don't. How does the difference affect you? What does it make you think about the brand that doesn't? To us, it makes the brand that wants to hear from you seem brave, experimental, willing to fail. And the non-participatory brand? Technically clueless at best, just-plain-clueless at worst.

You'll be hearing a lot about the participatory experience from us in the coming year. Naturally, we'd love to hear what you think.

Mortar client BSR pulled in more than 1,400 attendees from across 50 countries for their annual sustainability conference in New York City, and featured keynote addresses by a few revolutionary sustainability evangelists.

We are proud to support an organization who is able to bring together the most powerful companies across the globe to work on making their business… The Business of a Better World  (Hey, that would make a great tagline…) 

Like the identity work? Send flowers, bags of Cornnuts and carpal tunnel wrist supports to:  Mortar, c/o Sophie Preap.

AC/DC brings us the world's first SFW music video – presented entirely in Microsoft Excel. Enjoy, but then you have to promise to stop watching those damn puppies and get back to work.

Frederik Samuel, we salute you.

MORTARBLOG: "We love a good pun around these parts, and this headline…"

READERS: "Shut up. You just wanted an excuse to talk about the Giants. What does this have to do with marketing, anyway?"

MORTARBLOG: "Well, um, see, um, it's a headline, and we write headlines, and um…"

READERS: "And, um, spare us. You're totally in the tank for the Giants. Just admit it."

MORTARBLOG: "No, really! It's a conversation about mass media and…"

READERS: (glowering incredulously) "Don't make us come up there."

MORTARBLOG. "Sorry."

READERS: "Grab some pine, meat."

P.S. Yay, Timmah!

P.P.S. Tommy Lasorda is the devil.

From The Department Of: "Damn, We Wish We'd Thought Of That," New Zealand chick-centric site Flossie.com pulls off a truly amazing feat of guerilla marketing. Presenting…the Man Vending Machine. Yes, it's exactly what it sounds like. Step right up, ladies, and choose from Mr. Classic, Mr. Romantic, Mr. Foreign, Mr. Rich, Mr. Action or best of all, Mr. Perfect. Press a button, and a real guy steps out of the machine. (Except in the case of "Mr. Perfect," who is, of course…a vibrator.) Click that link to get the details and watch the video. The men sold out in about a half-hour, and 200 Mr. Perfects "found loving new homes."
Brilliant, brilliant work. Kinda makes that "viral" email you were about to send out seem a little…limp, no?

We are stunned.
We are amazed.
We are deeply, incredibly proud.

We are also hungover.
But enough about us. Have you ever seen a brand do a complete one-eighty faster than America's did last night?

Let's hear what the world – remember them, all those people who hated us yesterday? – has to say:

—

—

—

—

And our favorite:

Before yesterday, the only way a lot of these folks would have waved an American flag is if it were on fire. But that was before yesterday.

LISA: “Dad, we did something very bad!”

HOMER: [eating pork rinds, frowns] “Did you wreck the car?”

BART: “No.”

HOMER: [frowns] “Did you raise the dead?”

LISA: “Yes.”

HOMER: [more frowns] “But the car’s okay?”

KIDS: “Uh-huh.”

HOMER: [relieved] “All right then.”

Is there anything better than Treehouse of Horror? How about this sneak preview from “How To Get Ahead In Dead-vertising,” from The Simpsons upcoming 19th annual? Happy early Halloween.

'Launch into Technology' is part of Girl Scouts' Girl Go Tech initiative that promotes programs and education related to the fields of science and technology.

Watch and learn.

No, it’s not Talk Like a Pirate Day.
Sorry, it’s not Spring Training, the autumnal equinox or World Alzheimer’s Day either. (Wait, is it? We’re pretty sure it’s not.)
It’s the Day When They Tell Us That A Badly-Named Medicine For Rheumatoid Arthritis Is Coming Soon! Seriously! OMG! Actemra! Coming! Soon!

We always wondered why the City bothered to print “Advertising On This Newsrack Is Not Controlled By, And May Not Reflect The Views Of Any Of The Publications Within” beneath the boards. Now, we know. Wouldn’t want to make The Learning Annex look bad.

So that’s where Dookie’s been.
A truly inspired effort from director Charles Stone III and crew.

P.S. Vote, people.

Listen in for a detailed analysis of Howard’s thoughts on why he trusts consumers to make the sustainable choice, why tap water doesn’t necessarily cut it, current world-saving R&D, and the quick and dirty explanation of how the WaterMill uses the most plentiful resource around-the air-to tackle the global water resource issue.  Or just delight in the soothing British voice repeating “Element Four.”

This just in from the Department Of Understatement: It’s a pretty tough economy out there. Oh, you heard that, huh? Us, too. In fact, we’ve been getting a lot of calls lately asking how we’re managing, and if clients are running for cover.
Also, if we have any recipes for Top Ramen.

We are happy, if mildly shocked, to report that things are chugging along just fine. At first, we thought it might just be an East Coast/West Coast thing, what with us being somewhat removed from the scene of the crime(s) and all, but then we were heartened to see an article in the New York Times full of quotes like this one from Charles Schwab’s Rebecca Saeger:

"Increasing sales and profits has “never been more important,” said Ms.
Saeger…There has never been a more crystal-clear
realization of why you need a strong brand.”

Outstanding. Looks like we actually learned something from the dot-com crash.
Let’s review:
Your brand is what people think of, when they think of you.
So, when society’s foundations seem about as stable as that waterbed you owned in the 1980′s, wouldn’t it be good if people thought of your brand as something they could count on?

Joseph Tripodi, CMO at Coke thinks so:

“It’s very easy now to panic, and we cannot panic,” he added. “Invest
in your brands now, especially in these dry times. The easiest thing is
to shut down, and that’s the worst thing.”

Same with James Stengel at Procter & Gamble:

“If we’re there for consumers when they need us,” he added, “I’m sure we’ll be fine.”

And when you start to put all the pieces together, you get a pretty heady formula for growth, like "Home Is Calling", General Mills’ new Pillsbury work:

“Right now, given where America is, people need to go back to the comfort of home.”

Point is, it’s easy to care for a brand when people are irrationally exuberant and talking themselves into buying flat-screen tvs for the cat. It gets a little harder when they’re wondering if they should hitch the cat to a tiny covered wagon and light out for Californee. But now is when your brand matters. Now your audience is paying attention. Now is when they wonder if you’re here today, gone tomorrow, or if you’re stable, smart, and something that matters to them. Play your cards right, and you can make an impression that lasts a long, long time. Keep calm and carry on, eh, wot?

P.S. Add a little shrimp and some Tony Chachere’s to your Top Ramen and you’re good to go.

Gizmodo raved that the WaterMill’s process of converting air to water was “automagical,” while AOL’s tech blog Switched and Treehugger prominently featured diagrams of the WaterMill in their West Coast Green coverage.

CNET’s Green Tech TV was even able to snag an interview with CEO Rick Howard, where their reporter was able to get Howard to open up about his views on flavored water, among other things.

The sky’s the limit for these enterprising Canadian world-savers, at least until our planet’s air supply runs out…  Check it all out at www.elementfour.com. 

The economic crisis couldn’t possibly be responsible for wiping out everything from small businesses
to actual real news. Or could it? Which news is more newsworthy? You be the judge:

Police: iPhone Left In Hot Car For Three Hours

The Republican pitbull Sarah Palin is back on a Leash

"We called out for more beer just then and it brought us some beer! It’s amazing how it seems to understand human words," said 71-year-old retiree Miho Takikawa, who said she came to the tavern specifically to meet the monkeys."

No, Miho-san. It’s amazing that someone has trained monkeys to bring beer!

It’s amazing no one thought of this before.
It’s amazing that we don’t already have one!

Arigato, Boing-Boing!

For the complete scoop, click HERE.

If you missed the coverage on EcoStiletto.com don’t fret – you can get your eco-friendly fill on Yahoo!

Need we remind: Greenwashing is for wimps. CarryEco is for everyone else.

The last hundred-plus years of British history. And bread. Strangely, the two tie together beautifully. Jolly good work.

Via The Atlantic.

Save yourself the trouble of bobbing-and-weaving propaganda and pick-up a stylish CarryEco bag from TOKYObay.

Greenwashing is for wimps. CarryEco is for everyone else.

Well, here it is. Microsoft’s $300 million baby. Our verdict?

"I’m a PC and I’m insecure."
"I’m a PC and I think borrowed interest is a good substitute for an idea."
"I’m a PC and I still don’t have anything new to say."
"I’m a PC and I have more money than sense."

We warned you, Redmond – wow us or lose us. And we’re not feeling the wow.

What say you, Mortarblog Nation?

UPDATE: Oh, this is friggin’ priceless: The spot was made on a Mac.

In which some knucklehead passes out at Shea Stadium and clever Met fans turn his misfortune into an opportunity. (Hey, it beats watching their relief pitching.)

Is it worse that this video is lighting up the YouTubes, or that we picked up the story from the New York Daily News?

Trust us – the longer you watch, the funnier this gets. Kind of like the Mets.