Archive: January 2013
January 23rd, 2013

!@*#& Those Meddling Kids!

So you're saying you DON'T want to hear our brilliant manifestos?

Man. This medicine of ours is kinda bitter. Has an 80-proof kick, though. So, remember all those posts where we said, “have a sense of humor about yourself?” Yeah, that was great and all until we encountered AgencyWank Tumblr, “a collection of the wankiest slogans and text on ad/marketing agency websites,” and found ourselves on there not once but twice! Hoist on our own petard! Curses! But then we noticed six times the normal visits to our site, plus reblogs spreading the Mortar virus gospel throughout the land, and we remember, it could be worse.

"You gonna tell us who's a good boy, or should we take a little ride downtown?"

“You gonna tell us who’s a good boy, or should we take a little ride downtown?”


Just when we were about to take over the abandoned amusement park! We would have gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for you meddling kids.   Well, at least we got to say “hoist on our own petard.”



January 16th, 2013

The Kids, They Will Mess With Your Brand, Chapter 3.

We’ve said it before



…and we’ll probably say it again: The Kids, They Will Mess With Your Brand.

May we present to you the Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer.


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January 8th, 2013

Mortar Feverishly Hunts Down Account Coordinator/Cheetah.

We’re looking for an account coordinator with 1-2 years work experience to maintain day-to-day relations with our mid-level clients. The right person for the job will be flexible, move quickly, and be super-sharp. (Apparently, we’re hiring a knife-wielding cheetah.) So, if you’re a smooth-talking cheetah who packs a switchblade, perfect. If you’re a smooth-talking cheetah who packs a switchblade, and you’re also good with administrivia like this:

  • Creating schedules and estimates
  • Strong customer service skills
  • Strong presentation formatting and writing skills preferred
  • Basic accounting
  • Compiling media reports
  • Keywords advertising
  • Lead generation and Adwords training
  • Video editing/creation
  • Recruiting/interviewing

…you might just get the gig.

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January 2nd, 2013

Mortar Wins. And So Does 2012.

We’re not usually ones to brag, unless it’s to brandish the shiny pair of Ron Swanson-approved steak saws we got for Christmas. But now that 2012 is gone like Dick Cheney’s hair, we figured we should mention a couple things we won this year. Mortar scooped up two Silver Awards in the 2012 Davey Awards, the largest and most prestigious small agency competition. We owe the accolades to our integrated work for Carondelet Health Network and direct mail campaign for Marketo. Congratulations to our clients. Let the back-patting commence…now.

We’re delighted to point out we were far from the only winners this year.



Airport traveler Jonah Falcon won some serious ego points when his record-large man-parts earned him a frisking at SFO. Yes, that’s what we said.



Stoners rejoiced (if you can call it that) when Washington and Colorado legalized recreational pot. We’re sure the CEO of Totino’s is equally elated.


love is love

Massachusetts, Maine, and Washington declared same-sex marriage legal. For more and more people, love’s future is open wide.



(photo credit: Ezra Shaw/Getty Images)

And to put icing on the victory cake, our beloved Giants took the World Series for the second time in three years. Sadly, one Muni bus severely lost. For shame! When will we learn that “celebrate good times” is not synonymous with “destroy public property”? We all have aspirations of achieving such things; but then again, character demands restraint. And that is likely the only time you will hear us utter the word “restraint” in 2013.