Archive: August 2012
August 31st, 2012

Slip The Surly Bonds Of Earth. (Bring Bacon.)


Remember Pigs In Space?

Our pals at Bacon Salt did. And, from the Department Of “Damn, We Wish We’d Thought of that,” it inspired them to redefine the term “product launch.” As in, Bacon Salt is blasting into frickin’ space.

(OK,  more like, “they tied a cooler to a weather balloon.” Still…pretty rad.)


Behold Spacon-1, Interstellar Pork Delivery Vehicle – coupled to a 100,000 ft-rated weather balloon, equipped with a parachute system for re-entry, GoPro camera to record flight and GPS tracking device for recovery.


Sadly, the launch vehicle suffered a mission failure. (It popped.)

But still, they got to wear spacesuits.

We especially enjoyed Mission Control’s reaction to the vehicle failure:

Mortar salutes you, Bacon Salt. Today, bacon has reached out, and touched the face of God.

(Who, quite likely, would now liketh a washcloth.)

August 24th, 2012

Seeking Freelance PR Supa-stah.

Mortar wants a superstar media relations generalist to join our team. Someone with the enthusiasm of Mary Katherine Gallagher, but preferably without the proclivity for armpit-sniffing.

We’ve got heaps of stories and upcoming launches that we need support on. Our clients are fun, diverse, and cover multiple markets.

You, we hope, have at least 4-6 years experience pitching the heck out of stories, with a spectacular track record of securing and earning media coverage. You love to work with the media and make stories happen.

To start, this will be contract work. It could turn into longer term, but we’ll only need you 10-20 hours a week needed to start.

If this is you, email with your resume, rate, and availability.

August 23rd, 2012

In Need Of Intern. Divas Not Allowed.

If you’re viewing this job solely as a one-way ticket to fame, stop reading now. We know what you’re plotting. After watching Intern Jonny’s rapid trajectory from measly intern to international heartthrob, you hope such a fate might befall you, too.

Unfortunately, we can’t guarantee an internship at Mortar will land you a spot on The Tonight Show. (We also can’t guarantee that it won’t.) All we’re saying is if you apply to be an intern at Mortar, prepare to be an intern at Mortar. Which means you are flexible, a quick learner, and possess a mind as sharp as a Ginsu knife. You will be asked to wear the administrative hat often and told to move at a pace akin to that of the spotted cheetah. Tasks will be completely owned by the intern, and the right person will know what that means. You will have the opportunity to work on a wide variety of fun projects and witness all the account management, brand strategy, and PR aspects of agency life. You will learn from a fantastic group of talented people who actually like hanging out with each other.


Daily Tasks

1. Traffic Meetings – update traffic list and round up the troops every Monday

2. Staples Orders – monitor all office supplies: paper, ink, paper, ink, the occasional gold paper clip

3.  FedEx Log – purchasing boxes, envelopes and delivering packages as needed

4. ASR/Billing Summaries: bi-weekly updates

5.  Meeting notes and agendas

6.  Keyword Reports – weekly, Monday mornings

7.  Reception duties; answer all Mortar general calls

8.  Printing, scanning, filing financial documents

9.  Putting together presentations, case studies, etc.

10.  Any and all client meeting prep

11.  Support senior staff (scheduling and organizing)


Desired Skills & Experience

Let us know if you have any experience in the following, and mention any special skills you bring to the table (studying really well doesn’t count).
– Video editing/creation
– Recruiting/interviewing
– Basic accounting
– Keywords advertising
– Creating schedules
– Writing

Candidates with agency experience will be reviewed first. Extra points for Mac-friendly folk: Keynote, Excel, and Pages. If you’re interested, please send your resume and cover letter to, so he can decide if you’re worthy of replacing him.


To learn more about Mortar, poke around on this website and you’ll probably find out more than you wanted to.

To share this job post, click on the funny black ‘n white boomerang-looking icon below.

August 22nd, 2012

Putting The Awesome In Your Dog – Part 1.

Ever heard that saying: “It’s not the size of the dog in the incredibly bizarre-yet-awesome fight, it’s the amount of incredibly bizarre-yet-awesome in the dog?”

Probably not, because we just made it up.

But the point is this: If your budget is smaller than the other guy’s, you’d better make more interesting conversation. Not just some of the time. All of the time. If you give up? If you try to sound cool in your advertising, but the rest of your customers’ interactions with you are robotic and money-grubbing? The effect is this:  Your customer is at a party, chatting up an attractive someone, the happy couple steps outside for some air, and suddenly that quiet-yet-fascinating discussion of Epictetus becomes GOOD DAY SIR-OR-MADAM CAN WE INTEREST YOU IN LOW-LOW ZERO-DOWN-WITH-APPROVED-CREDIT CASH-BACK FINANCING?

Which is painful and weird. As opposed to good-weird. Good-weird is more like this:

*So, wait. We have to come up with some clever Fine Print? It’s closing in on feeding time and we’re having a hard time thinking good. Wait, good? Or is it well? We can’t remember no grammar now cuz food hunger is taking over part of body that word ideas come from. Oh look at cat! Cat is pretty. Want food, but can’t get until Fine Print is over. OK: You have to be an Eat24 member to use the $3 Coupon Code. If you’re not a member you can sign up in seconds. Also you can only use it at restaurants that accept Coupon Codes (but don’t worry, there are over 20,000 of them) and you must pay with a Credit card or PayPal. Also, don’t try to pull a fast one and just order chips and salsa. C’mon, they give that away for free at restaurants. Be a man (or a woah-man) and order a damn burrito. Any order of $10 or more will do, because that’s the order minimum. Finally, the Coupon Code can only be used once and will expire the 19th of August at Midnight PST. Good job, brain. Now shut up until food gets here. (Our brain, not your brain. Your brain can talk all it wants because we love the sound of your voice. It’s like a combination of Barry White and a thousand kittens purring).”

That’s a sample of fine print from an Eat24 email coupon.  Fine print. From an email coupon.

Fine print from an email coupon that mentions Barry White and a thousand kittens purring.

Why doesn’t all fine print mention Barry White and a thousand kittens purring? Wouldn’t you read more fine print if it had more stuff like that? (Did we just answer our own question?) Let’s take things one step further: If Eat24 is going to put goodness like Barry White and a thousand kittens purring in the fine print, they must want you to read the fine print, right? But that’s weird because fine print is the marketing communications equivalent of the swamps of Jersey, right? It’s where the bodies are buried, right? But if Eat24 wants readers to read it, that must mean Eat24 is lovable on the inside, too! You know what else it means? It means you should read everything Eat24 sends you, because who knows, in the middle of their legalese they might start rambling about Barry White and purring kittens.   This is science, people. This is irrefutable fact.

And what did this little exercise in Always Sounding Like Us cost? Zero. Pain-and-suffering incurred? None. Love-beyond-reason engendered? Plenty.


This is a picture of a rainbow having a nicotine fit. It has almost nothing to do with our conversation except, it’s random and fun. It made your day a little better. (That rainbow smokes too much and just throws the butts wherever. Rude.)

Which brings us to this:

Also random. Also fun. Also makes your day a little better. Even if it doesn’t really have a purpose. Even if it doesn’t really tell your fortune. And you know what? That cookie is stomping the terra firma. Likes. Shares. Retweets. Calls from our mothers. (Which we should probably return. Eeesh. We’re bad people. But we digress.)

It’s just a simple little conversational piece, appearing in a slightly unexpected place. Which is so Eat24. That’s their voice. Not some of the time. All of the time. Their customers love it. They expect it. They participate in it. And that’s why Eat24 is able to generate love beyond reason. That’s the bizarre that puts the awesome in their dog. That’s how a little startup with no VC funding is able to scare the hell out of the big boys. Because an intelligent conversation has the power to generate greater sales, more economically achieved.

Which is the reason we got into this business.

We do what we do the way we do it because we believe this in our bones: It does not require more money, or more meetings, or more buzzwords to sell well. It requires common sense, good manners and a sense of humor. It requires convincing your audience that you do what you do because you love doing it, not because you love money.

So while Eat24’s bigger, more well-funded competitors are quite likely sitting in a meeting, staring at a 120-slide PowerPoint detailing last week’s trendlines, Eat24 is having human conversations with their customers. Also, a freakin’ blast. Speaking of which – Mortar is proud to present “Food Truck In Your Pants,” the first of a whole slew of new Eat24 broadcast spots, breaking now.


It’s like we always* say: It’s not the size of the dog in the incredibly bizarre-yet-awesome fight, it’s the amount of incredibly bizarre-yet-awesome in the dog. But tell us what you think. After all, this is a conversation.


P.S. If you don’t live in Los Angeles and you’d like to see this and many other fine new Mortar-produced Eat24 spots on your tee-vee, let ’em know via Twitter @Eat24.


*At least since 11:30 this morning.


August 21st, 2012

Putting The Awesome In Your Dog – Vol. 2

Hey, you know what’s exciting? Narrow, hair-raising escapes.

“Most impressive, Mr. Bond. Most impressive.”


You know what’s not exciting?

Talking about features. Unless your feature is a surfing cat or a laser cannon or a surfing cat with a laser cannon, most people won’t care about whatever whizbang you’re trying to sell. Unless you’re Eat24 and your brand = Random and Funny. Then everybody cares about what you have to say, if only because they like the way you say it.

Which brings us to “Restraining Order” and “Solve For Pi,” the second and third entries in our new campaign:

Were those fleeting seconds of goodness enough for you to fully-understand-and-internalize Eat24 Notes or Split The Check? Probably not. Are you now somewhat more likely to go check these wonderful features out? (OK, after you stop watching the surfing cat. We know it’s mesmerizing.)