Archive: February 2012
February 24th, 2012

But The Memo Clearly States: “…Not Crusaders And/Or Rebels.”

“You think you know Wheat Thins? F*%k you.

Prepare yourself to fall completely in love with – then back out of love with – then be sort of ok again with –  a brand, all in the space of 6:50.

Yes, we posted this because it’s funny.

Yes, we posted this because it reminds us just how ridiculous we all are in our attempts to turn the art of conversation into the “science” of marketing.

But most of all, we posted this because it reminds us of Kurt Vonnegut’s asshole.

No, not his actual asshole, but the big ol’ asterisk he drew in Breakfast of Champions that represented an asshole. Right in the middle of the page. Just drew that thing. In the middle of a non-illustrated novel.
Which is, as we’ve noted before, A Thing You Cannot Do. But he did.

Stephen Colbert’s sponsortunity/takedown/whatthehelljusthappened routine certainly shows us how ridiculous megacorporate brand strategists can be, but more importantly, it lifts the curtain on strategy itself. Which is a bona-fide asterisk-in-the-middle-of-the-page-moment.

You can’t do that, right? You can’t just tell people your brand strategy…they might…they might discover that crackers are not in fact baked by tree-dwelling elves, but that they come from giant megacorporations who want their money! Gasp!

Here’s another example:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PvYP_d2S1Pg

This Old Spice ad starts out as a Bounce ad; becomes an Old Spice ad, then a Bounce ad again and finally, we get a strong powerful Old Spice finish.

Again, you can’t do that! You just spent half your expensive media time plugging a brand you didn’t mean to plug! Unless…unless you’re a megacorporation who happens to own both brands. But even then, aren’t you outing yourself as a megacorporation? Won’t the people rise up with pitchforks and torches?

And since you’re a megacorporation, aren’t you supposed to be acting like mega-tools? Like the people who wrote that Wheat Thins memo?

So, gentle readers, we ask you: How are we supposed to feel about this? Megacorporations drawing asterisks? It’s unnatural, we tells ya! And since megacorporations love nothing more than blindly following one another, is it reasonable to expect more of this?

We sure hope so.

February 24th, 2012

Mortar, GGU, TIME Magazine, and The Romney America Doesn’t Hate.

“Dolla-dolla bill, y’all.”

What is wrong with you people?! Do you not recognize a Presidential-level haircut
when you see one? Just look at it! The salt-and-pepper sideburns! The strong jawline!
The erect posture! Shouldn’t looking that much like a President count for something,
America?  Huh? Come on!  OK…Perhaps not.

All politics aside, Mitt’s $12 million-and-counting Windows Vista launch of a primary
campaign proves what Mortar has been saying all along – big ideas beat big budgets
every time. 
But it wasn’t always this way. There was once a Romney who Americans
loved didn’t want to repeatedly punch. We’re speaking about Mitt’s father George, the
former Governor of Michigan, presidential candidate, and not-complete-tool.

We are not, however, speaking about him very eloquently.

We’ll leave that to TIME Magazine, which recently interviewed Mortar client and
Golden Gate University President Dan Angel.

See, In 1964, when the elder Romney was running for re-election as Governor, an
intrepid young writer by the name of Dan Angel received permission to become a
participant observer in the campaign and write a biography from a remarkably up-close
and in-depth perspective. Over three years, he continued his research, which included
hours of time and multiple interviews with George, as well as his family and friends.
Angel also landed the rare opportunity to interview former president Dwight Eisenhower
at his Gettysburg farm. The book, Romney, A Political Biography, was published in 1967
and provides a full account of George’s professional and political life.
Like Mitt Romney, Dan Angel was born in Detroit. Unlike Romney, Dan is actually
popular in Michigan, serving three terms in the Michigan State Legislature before
embarking on a career as a college professor, and then as President of Marshall University,
Stephen F. Austin University, and other nationally known colleges.

Fast forward to 2012, and Dan Angel is now Dr. Dan Angel, President of Golden Gate University.
And Mortar is GGU’s PR agency.
And Mortar PR knows that local and national media appreciate an expert who can offer insight into a candidate’s history and influences. (We also know more than a few writers’ phone numbers.)
Which is why Dr. Angel has been interviewed and published in the Wall Street Journal and The New York Times as well as TIME. It’s also why the media repeatedly turn to GGU when they’re looking for intelligent opinions from experts. And that, in turn, is why students know they can turn to GGU when they want to become experts.

The Mortar PR team remains busy lining up additional interviews, and possibly some
on-site events.

Dr. Angel remains an expert.

As for Candidate Romney? It remains to be seen.

February 14th, 2012

All you need is love. And this handy permission slip.

On a day that celebrates that many splendored thing called love, it feels lustfully inappropriate to treat you to this anti-valentine. Outdoor clothing retailer Moosejaw Mountaineering has whipped up a permission slip that (if your significant other complies) gives you license to “snuggle, French, or fully do it” with someone else. The downside is it might trigger a wave of stormy breakups across the nation, but the upside is clever brand awareness. Nice job, Moosejaw. And Happy V Day to all you swingers out there.

 

February 10th, 2012

Delay Of Game.

"You're a little late, dum-dums."

This is the Great Gazoo. A minor character from The Flintstones, capable of magic.

"What am I gonna do with all these gaudy rings?"

This is Eli Manning, quarterback of the Super Bowl Champion New York Giants, who bears an uncanny resemblance to the Great Gazoo, and is also occasionally capable of magic, although not enough magic to get Mortar to do a Super Bowl Ad Recap on time. The man was busy last week, as were we. Sorry. Let’s get right to it.

Three We Liked:

Toyota – “Reinvented”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k9L-8372A3w

“Reinvention” as an idea is more beaten-to-death than the New England Patriots’ hopes and dreams. (Yeah, we said it.) But in this spot, we can almost hear the creatives saying, “You want “reinvented?” Oh, we’ll give you reinvented…” and off we go into a magical land where curtains are pizza and Toyota Camrys are actually interesting. Well done.

Chevrolet – “Camaro/Happy Grad”

User-generated stuff usually makes us insecure and bitter. Like the New England Patriots. (Pow!) But this Chevy spot is an exception. The (amateur) actor’s beautifully over-the-top reaction equates owning a Camaro with ridiculous amounts of joy, which is never a bad idea when you’re selling a completely impractical muscle car these days.

Side note: We had more than one viewer ask us if it bothered us that the kid was getting a mini-fridge for graduation. Wouldn’t you give that to the kid when he was entering school? Just sayin’.

Volkswagen – “The Bark Side”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ntDYjS0Y3w

There is almost nothing good about this spot. Kinda like the Patriots’ defense. (BA-ZING!) It employs the same level of creativity as The Singing Dogs’ version of “Jingle Bells,” which is universally recognized as the Most Hated holiday song.  But if you can watch this without smiling, we’ll pay you $542 bucks.*

Two We Hated:

Go Daddy  – “Body Paint”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NG2qU7x4Djo

We love gratuitous nudity as much as the next shifty-eyed person in a raincoat, but the on-purpose tastelessness of Go Daddy’s schtick was bad the first time, and has somehow managed to get worse.

Career Builder – “Business Trip”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xYJ9EW50h1I

Recycling. Good for the planet. Bad for ideas. And it’s even worse when it starts to affect the credibility of the Mortar Monkey Theorem, i.e. “Monkey=Funny.” So this recycled idea that was only moderately funny the first two times, is really getting stale at this point, which annoys us. What we’re saying is – “Don’t use chimps in sucktastic ads, you hacks. You’re ruining it for the rest of us.”

And One We Really Loved That You Probably Didn’t See Because…Canada.

Our goody-two shoes brother Canada, all jealous because they get a stupid Grey Cup instead of an awesome Super Bowl, went and did this wonderful Budweiser spot that you had to live in Canada to see. We are not crying because there is no crying in hockey, but…look. Just give us aboot a minute, eh?

(Whatever, Canada. You’re perfect. But we’re still behind America bald eagle percent.)
Honorable mention to Chrysler, who you’ve probably heard enough about by now.

E*Trade and Coke, even the Great Gazoo can’t save you dum-dums from lame overuse of characters. (And if there’s anyone who should know from lame characters, it’s him.)  See you next year. Probably about a week late.

Congratulations, Giants.

 *By “we,” we mean “Mark.”
February 1st, 2012

Oh, Canada.

...You so crazy.

So we’re reblogging this from Eat24’s Tumblr (which rules, go follow them,) because we absolutely love the fact that their customers are not only getting into the brand, but getting into the act.

P.S. Charge your phone, eh?