Wednesday, July 08, 2009

Hey! Fatass! Buy Clothes!

Chubbiesad

Now this is why we miss the days of three-martini lunches. (Besides the martinis, that is.) How hammered would you have to be to write this?  And how schnockered would the client have to be to approve it? "Yeah, "Chubby." Let's go with that."  That must have been the best brief ever.
Anyway, that's actually one of the less horrifying examples of the bad old days you'll find in this post: 15 Creepiest Vintage Ads Of All Time, up on RetroComedy right now. Check it out.

GunFamily
   WE SAID "CHECK IT OUT!" NOW!


Via Boing-Boing, as usual.

Friday, June 26, 2009

Slumdog Thrillionaire



Everybody has a Michael Jackson memory. If you didn't, well, you do now. RIP.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

UPDATE - Intern watch 2009 - Breaking news

Dear Applicants:

Thank you for crashing our inbox with all of your delicious qualifications. Due to the overwhelming response, we might have to hire an intern to hire our intern.

Trust that we have, indeed, received all queries, and are in the process of sifting and selecting. We will get back (soon, we promise) and set up an interview sometime in the week of June 29ish.

Please, no calls or follow-up emails. As much as we'd like to personally get back to you all, it just ain't gonna happen. If you are a finalist you'll be hearing from us - warn your parents.

Thank you for your interest in Mortar!
The Management.

Like To Travel? Wanna Talk With Us & Make A Buck?

Ok, there are a few other qualities you need in order to participate. So click here, fill out our survey, and we'll let you know if you fit the bill. Oh, and we'll pay you $75 bucks. Not too shabby. Cheers!

We Got Your "One Rule" Right Here.

Screen-capture

When agencies sell digital creative to clients, they just love to go on and on about how “measurable” it is.

It’s a great thing to say in a meeting. But it begs the question - is anyone really reading those numbers? And if so, what are they doing with them? 

Our pals at Eyeblaster just completed a study on exactly that question. And what did they find? They’re too polite to say so, but we will: if the digital advertisers of the world were a kid, they’d be one of those kids you see in the mall on a leash.

It’s bad enough that a lot of these knuckleheads never even bother to track how their display ads are performing versus how their keyword ads are. (How does that work? It’s like leaving money beneath a magical tree and hoping it brings you business! Who does this? And where can we get us one of those trees?)

But what really drives us crazy is the ugly realization that the dreaded “Brand Offline, Drive Response Online” meme is still alive. People! Please! This jibba-jabba should be deader than disco.

But it keeps coming back. Like disco.

It would be great if people would collectively agree to pretend not to notice the difference between what you say you stand for (“We are just like you. And we would never, ever pressure you.” ) and what you really stand for, (“Give us money! Now!”)  but that ain’t reality. 

In reality, everything you do affects your brand. Which means you’re not allowed to inflict crap upon your audience some of the time, even if it’s “only online.” Those “hardworking” ads sound great in meetings. But they make you seem dishonest, and they create the clutter you work so hard to break through. That’s nuts.

Check out these stories:

The first is from that Eyeblaster report, in which they very politely point out the industry’s general dumbassery when it comes to cross-channel marketing.

The second is from Advertising Age, and it asks the simple question: Why Hasn’t Online Advertising Had a Creative Revolution?   Beats us.  But we’ll tell you this - breakthrough creative delivers greater sales, more economically achieved. And that’s something everyone wants - not just some of the time.