May 23rd, 2013

Somewhere In This City, A Brand Manager Is Drunk And Weeping.

If there’s one thing we’ve always preached on the mighty Mortarblog, it’s this: Be brave. Be honest. Be nice. (OK, that’s three things. We’re bad at rules. You should know that by now. Hush.) And we dearly love to point out examples of these qualities. So allow us to stand up and applaud the stones on Mazda’s brand team – it takes a ton-and-a-half of those to hand the keys to your brand to Sir-Doctor Stephen T. Colbert, DFA.  “Did he just call it an Oldsmoblile? Did he just say “Mazda, It’s What’s For Dinner?” But that doesn’t follow the Brand Guidelines!”

You’re right, Imaginary Brand Manager’s Brain, it doesn’t. But – hey, put that tequila down – your customers don’t follow them, either. Because your customers are people. And they love it when you treat them like people.

Observe:

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There’s more.

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Wow, you’re really slacking today. We admire that.

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OK, sure, somebody’s gonna have to explain to a boardroom full of Japanese executives why the brand just got mentioned in the same sentence as “…a spelunker on meth,” but there’s a solution for that. Observe:

Yamanuchi-san, with all due respect, if we’re being asked to appeal to younger drivers, we should actually be appealing. As opposed to this:”

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Shudder. You know how your parents mispronounce rock bands’ names* and make you want to pound your face into the kitchen table? They’re just trying to be part of your world, man. Give them a break. They raised you…even through The Awkward Years That Shall Not Be Mentioned. So they get a pass. YOU DO NOT, MAZDA.

*The drummer from Grizzly Bear bought my mom’s old house. For reals. But she simply will not quit calling them “The Grizzly Bears.” Mom! Gah!

Let’s review: If you want to appeal to The Kids…be appealing.Which means this: Letting Go Of Your Brand And Its Contrived Standards = Good.  Trying To Appeal To The Kids With A 42 Year-Old Song = Bad.

In any case, Random-But-Brave-And-Probably-Soon-To-Be-Job-Hunting-Mazda-Brand-Manager, we raise a glass to you. Mazda took a chance. We noticed. It’s no Scion, but it’s brave. And brave is a helluva good start.

Speaking of starts, it’s time to talk about a finish.

Almost eight years ago, a boy came to Mortar with a dream. A dream of doing work that didn’t suck, in a world that surely needed some. That dream came true, even if sometimes it was like one of those dreams where you wake up sweaty and think, “How the hell did my seventh-period English teacher even fit into that clown suit? And what the #&$ was up with that giant talking trout? No more pizza after 11.” Ahem. As usual, I digress.

The point? I’m off to weirder pastures. It has been a great pleasure to serve our clients, a true honor to serve with my co-workers, and a stone groove hanging out with all of you. I hope you’ll keep up with my exploits via my website.  More importantly,  I really hope you’ll keep giving smart people a chance to fight The Dumb that is oh-so-pervasive out there. It’s true that smart work makes you money.  But that’s not why we fight so hard for it. The reason people like us get up every morning and run full speed into a brick wall? We all have a chance to make the world suck just a little bit less.  That is worth fighting for. In fact it’s sacred. I hope you never, ever give up. I know I won’t.

Thank you, and good night.

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May 13th, 2013

A Whiff of Something Strong.

Have you seen those giant baby fists towering over Highway 101? Who did those billboards, you ask? And where did they find a baby the size of Bigfoot?

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April 30th, 2013

Graphic Designer With Picture Of Orangutang.

We’re an SF agency dedicated to finding new and better ways to reach today’s slightly pissed-off consumers, and we’re hiring a Graph…wait, wait, wait. Hold the @*#@ing phone. Why are we hiring another designer? What, we don’t have enough fixed-gear bicycles and neck beards? Get one of those hipsters to write your stupid want ad. Or maybe they can design one. “Oooh. Look. Helvetica! Let’s all drink coffee!” Fine. We’ll hire one. But we’re gonna stick a bunch of random crap in the job requirements just to torture them into actually reading the copy.

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